Thursday passed into Friday morning.  I had one cup of coffee.  Got in my car and left for work.  Explained to my manager and all that.  Nothing exceptionally notable.

     Friday night, think we had pizza, not real sure now.  Was a pleasant enough evening, no one annoying me for one reason or another.  I decided to take it very easy and stay at home.  Sat down and watched Judge Judy.  Walked into my room to sit at my computer.  It was about 10:30.

     I stood up, feeling very strange.  I think I may have loudly uttered "whats happening".  To me it was more like when the older daughter comes back home in the movie Poltergeist.  Where she was for half the movie who knows.  But the scene was always most notable because as the house is being lit up by spiritual energy she screams that line.

     It was a very odd feeling.  Maybe 3 or 4 seconds at the most.  It almost felt like a rush of a high you'd get from narcotics.  Well even from then there is a hard and rude landing.  It went off again.  I was still standing, it went off, the high left, and admittedly I was scared.

     This time they heard me.  Same circumstances as to why they couldn't drive.  I would have to brave this myself, just lovely.

     It was the tensest, it is a word now, driving I think I've done in the last 20 years.  Up to the highway, onto county route, finally the hospital.  Valet parked.  Walked to the place I knew.  It was surprisingly empty for 11 something on a Friday night.  Same treatment, though I was rushed to a different room.

     This emergency room crew was different.  They did the standard, and maybe didn't fuss because I'd been there just a scant day earlier.  Told my story and was left alone.  Alone to listen to my heart monitor and worry.  Oh but wait, there was a T.V.

T.B.C.

-Later.

Interrogation.

     After some time a Dr. came in to interrogate my defibrillator.  Basically there is a piece of equipment they use to get a reading.  The first one didn't do so well, oh he brought the wrong machine.  "Just great" I told myself.

     After he brought the right one, the report concluded that yes the device had fired.  Apparently whilst I slumbered my heart raced into the 200's, not a normal thing people.  And I was left to contemplate my hospital stay.  It was nice to have a television, small comfort, but I would take it.

     Sometime later another came in.  Told me that they would like to start pumping me full of this drug.  I said I'd check with my Dr.'s.  Basically it was approved, IV attached and I was in my own room about 8 in the A.M.

     It was a critical care ward.  I must say it was extremely cozy and comforting.  Yes it is an odd thing to say, but it was.  The nurses were very attentive.  I told them my story.  The inmates came to see me, worried and concerned.  I put on a brave face and pish poshed all of it.

     But I was concerned.  I mean there was no way to tell why it happened, it just did. And now medical science in all its wisdom wasn't looking into it deeper.  No just add a drug and hope it works.  I was supposed to be in longer, but they let me out Thursday.  Fully cleared to take meds and continue with my life.  


-Later.

A morning without coffee.

     I'm here alone today as you may have noticed.  What?  You read the title.  The absence of my beloved coffee is by choice at the moment.  But I am getting ahead of myself.

     The day after Labor day.  An easy day at work, had come home, had dinner, (don't remember if I cooked or not), watched some television and went to bed about midnight.  

THAT'S WHEN IT HAPPENED!!!  (suppose I could improve that with a dark stormy night).

      There was a loud thud.  No not from outside.  It jolted me literally awake.  My defibrillator had fired. Now since I've had it, I've taken it very lightly.  Especially when it fired.  Mostly because I was doing something physical when it went off.  But this time, it went off in my sleep.  I knew that was very bad.

     Got up, guessing my sister heard me yelp.  Explained that I was going to the E.R.  You see when the device fires you are always supposed to go to the hospital or something.  Like I said, there'd always been a reason before.  Furthermore I'd always explained that if it ever went off on its own while I was doing nothing, then of course I'd head to the E.R.

     Sister couldn't drive, had taken half a pain pill, brother in law? Drunk.  So yes I drove myself.  A technical no no.  Went to the nearest hospital, nice thing, they have valet parking for their E.R.  Yes the place is just that big.

     Walked in, waited in line of course.  Funny thing here is it is the same E.R. we'd taken my sister to the week prior.  So I knew how it would be.  For me they put me in a wheel chair and took me inside.  Personally I was almost astonished that it wasn't more full of people after midnight on a Friday.  

     Oh there they were, on the other side.  So I got the royal treatment, straight to my own room, with a t.v.  Then a flurry of people and questions that you answer before they give you a chance to think.  Hooking me up to their cardio monitor and such.  I explained I was just fine.

     I would have to wait for the interrogation.

-Later
 

It's been a hellish 2 weeks

     Hello to whomsoever is out there.  I'm not even 100% sure how to begin, where to begin, or if this even belongs here.  Asinine I know.

    Just off the tip of the iceberg, I've been hospitalized twice now.  Irritatingly enough, may be next Friday but am unsure.

     It's 2 in the morning as I write this so I don't want to start something that I cannot finish.  But I am here and shall do some entries this weekend.  Other than that I cannot promise.  I don't as of now feel this is deadly or tragic.  So I'll be back with some tales.

Morning.

     It's Friday...woot!  It's been a week and I simply cannot go into it all right now.  I was hospitalized for the last few days because of my heart, the defibrillator fired. 
 
     This means a new medication.  I also decided to accompany my brother in law and sister into the city on Tuesday.  She's a consult with a Dr. there about the enlarged cervix.  The point of concern is two fold.  I hate rush hour traffic out of NYC.  Also both my sister and brother in law expect her to be admitted on spot.  And my brother in law cannot drive in the city at all.  Oh what children.

     Okay that's it, hope to elaborate more this weekend.  
-Later. 

Sunday night.

     The week is over and the ripples of the ramifications have yet to begin to wash.  And thanks for the comment, means a lot coming from you Joe.

     I cannot and will not go into exactly why or how my sister lost her job.  It is to convoluted.  But she was essentially stabbed in the back.  It has everything to do with health.  So she will be taking early retirement.

     The hospital was just nightmarish on Thursday.  Long story shortened.  At one point she was examined by a Dr. associated with a surgeon who might be able to help.  The so called Dr. never addressed the issue she came in for.  Essentially told her that she was to high a risk for surgery and the Surgeon wouldn't do it.  Not satisfied with that then determined and told her that she had cancer and there was nothing that could be done.  She should make final preparations and arrange for hospice care.  I MEAN WHAT THE FUCK!?!  This individual did reappear again on Friday at her bedside before I got there. Telling her to prepare for the end.  My sister told her to get lost.  A lot more polite than I would have been I assure you.

     Very emotional wrecks here.  The Dr. that is in charge of the oncology at Sloan will be reached this week.  It was his people that directed us to this other hospital.  All we really know is that her cervix is enlarged, nothing else is concrete.  But the psychological damage has been done.

     So just waiting on this holiday weekend to end so we can try to move forward.  Sisters emotions have been up and down.  Brother in law as well.  What a mess.

     Also on Thursday occurred the following.  An acquaintance of mine from the cigar lounge died.  He was 46 years old, same age as me, he had 2 kids.  He died of a massive heart attack.  His wake was tonight.  I wonder in my sardonic moments, how long that dumb Dr. would have given him.

     So that is the gist and end of my week.  Go back to work on Tuesday.  Nerves still pretty jangled.  I'll keep you all informed.  Send good thoughts for my sister.  

     And I shall try to have some adventures so we can have some usual lightheartedness.  We'll see.

-Later.

    

Good Morning

     Coffee is poured, Sunday run is completed.  And I'm thinking.  Lot's of different things  One of note that does affect here.  Do I continue to write this on this blog or another?

     I'm talking about family stuff.  I don't even know if I've conveyed this over the last few entries.  It is highly possible my sisters cancer is back.  She is high risk surgery and all that.  I could go into long stories but hope I've covered it.

     Generally I know this place is to talk about me, myself, and I.  Sometimes it brings in other people, sometimes it doesn't.  I'm never sure about the reaction from this place.

     I know, this I have said before, this would also be the point where a lot of bloggers just leave because life gets to real.  I'll leave when I can not afford to be on line anymore.  Which may or may not happen.

     So this is what you get if you stay.  A possible emotion filled blog about me and family and cancer.  Chunks of my life tossed in.  Something like that.

     Last night for instance I came back.  Brother in law passing out on couch from beer.  He has a very bad feeling about this.  Had told me earlier in the evening that he just hasn't had enough time with my sister.   My sister was in their room sobbing, she was scared to die.  Yeah.  Going to be interesting.

     We did have a talk about money and such.  I need to do a lot of cleaning here. If I can get away with it, not blow through every resource I have.  I mean it's a 3 day holiday weekend.  It is September.  We don't have all the information yet.  So I shall just continue.

     Well you seem to know what to be expecting.  Nothing grandiose that I assure you.  

-Later