Not quite sure it's a goodbye post.

     Editor's note.  Today I go offline. For good?  No.  I may get set up with something soon.  And I've decided, even though it is disgusting as Hell, I may use my sisters computer.  She by the way got out of the hospital for a good 30 min before re-entering.  She needs rehab for her legs.  Sad.  So this may not be quite final yet.  In that I may be back sooner than expected.  Until then remember the fun we've had and check back

     The following entry I had marked Post for Saturday the 29th.  It is a brief synopsis of last weekend.  Enjoy and til I blog again.

     I'm writing this a week before.  Easier to have a few in the can.  And since today so far hasn't been terrible just thought I'd do it.

     I didn't get out of the house until about 10:30.  Just didn't feel like it and there was plenty of coffee.  One of those sunny/cloudy/sunny/cloudy sort of days you know.  Also one that was clear to me that said it's a lot colder inside than outside.  Turned out to be true.

     I spent some time gathering thoughts on what I wanted to do today.  Well clearly it was 2 cigars.  Then I saw an Oliva special on a website, under $3 a stick, had to you know.  The weather is getting nicer and it will be time to smoke outdoors once again.  As I write this I am considering not going to the lounge tomorrow.  But I seem to say that a lot.

     Check from the trustees never arrived.  Brother in law was fuming.  The kind of childish fuming where nothing can be done.  But we'll get to money soon.

     Started off at my Sunday spot in the summertime.  Stayed in the car, windy and chilly.  Thought about the monetary fix I was in.  I then went to the mall to go to Sears.  Wanted to see where I could take my craftsman hose in to be replaced.  The one good thing about them is they have a life time warranty.  Was shocked when they said I could bring it in there.

     Did some driving around and also took a peek in Trader Joe's.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about shopping there.  That and a conversation I'd had on Thursday night about organ meat.  I went in search of Chicken Pate.  Yes you read that right.  Didn't find it.  

     I mean I asked and was shown where it should have been.  But it wasn't.  I looked at some of the other stuff too.  Not to bad.  I know there's a very limited budget for food this week.

     I checked the house account.  $89 says it all.  I told his trustees last month.  We were short $789 for the month.  They didn't even flinch or hear me out.  Will getting his name on the deed be worth us all losing this house?  I surely don't know.

     Received a call from the electric company.  They'd like their money.  Sorry no can do. 

     About 11:30 I realized I was hungry.  And I wasn't to far from a certain place.  You see at my job, there was a woman who had just spent a year in China.  It was part of her job.  Well she came back in the beginning of December and they didn't have any thing for her to do.  But she still got paid.

     Well last week, or 2 weeks ago depending on how you read this.  She got a new job.  She came in to say good bye on Friday.  Hugged her and got her number to keep in touch.  Also I asked if she found a good Chinese restaurant yet.  Food that was like she experienced in China.  She had and it's not to far from me.

     Took a little doing to find the place.  At first I thought it was the sushi place I used to frequent.  Used to really enjoy their miso soup.  It was actually just further along in the shopping center.  Not to far from a Korean BBQ joint I didn't know existed.

     I walked in and liked it immediately.  It was a nice place.  Not to many tables.  Decorated very nicely.  Not the usual posters of the food with some description.  I got a table, 1 out of 7.  There was an Asian couple eating, I decided this was a good omen.

     The young lady came over and I asked for some tea.  Upon her return I told her that someone had raved about the dumplings here.  What would she recommend.  I knew I was in the right place when she said it and I ordered it.

     So many other places you ask and the server gives you a canned "Well what do you like" response.  I'm asking because I think you eat here and what do you recommend.

     It took a little time to get my dumplings.  2 of the other tables had been now occupied.  This was all before 12 noon on a Saturday.  I got my dipping sauce and waited.  Enjoying the warmth of the tea in my hands.  Nothing terribly notable about the tea except that it was a good strength.  

     Someone brought out a bamboo container that held my 6 dumplings.  Right away I saw a difference.  Unlike so many other places, the dumpling looked soft and tender.  Oh and it was.  Also let me say they had chopsticks and not silverware on the table.  Took me a moment or 2.  And yes I observed the first couple to see the trick.

     The sauce had ginger in it.  Was far from salty.  The filing was tender and gorgeous.  I ate slowly, savoring each dumpling.  I do want to look up the etiquette of eating these things.  There was another piece of China? that was a spoon shaped item.  I was unsure what to do with it and didn't ask.

     The entire sumptuous feast came to $8.66.  I will go back.  Actually can't wait to tell my sister.  She likes Chinese food. Of course the kind that dot the landscape.  My other place that I loved, well this one can give it a run for their money.  So we'll see.

Hello darkness my old friend....

      I'm sitting here sort of numb.  Sister is still in the hospital.  Job still in jeopardy.  And yet here I sit.  In a pile of shit that I cannot foresee a quick escape from.  

     I may be going dark on this blog.  I must turn in the cable modem I use.  It costs near $90 per month.  Which is okay.  Afterall this computer is old.  Windows XP will no longer be supported next week.  And crap like that.

     So if I disappear you now know why.  I'm leaning towards a laptop anyway.  But we'll see.

     No money for house bills.  I owe $1,000 to a credit card.  No money for my bills.  Yup in deep.

     And somehow I'm rather calm.  Not fearful like the brother in law.  Not scared.  Not depressed.  I guess it's that inner strength.  I've never been so glad to have it.

     I've a lot of cleaning to do around here.  Especially if I'm to loose the house.  And yet by magic I may be able to pull it together in 3 months.  A plan you say?

     Nope.  Just faith.  Odd I know.  I just wanted to keep you abreast.

 

The lost weekend.....no not the movie.

        I wrote this a week after.  Thus making it Saturday the 15th.  My intent was to show that if you try you can make little happiness pieces.  Not sure if I'll continue next Sunday.  I will continue for the past week after.  Then back to randomness that is my blog.  Oh, and coffee says hi.

       The weekend itself, as memory serves a week later, was okay.  Got up on Saturday and had the morning coffee.  Breakfasted, hit the bank, did errands.

      There were little highlights along that day.  The sun was out, light wind.  That teasing March weather.  The kind that sends whispers of Spring.  Then turns damned cold the next just because it can.

      I had one particular errand I was looking very forward to.  One that I knew I'd need money for.  I was going to Whole Foods.  Not my favorite place mind you.

      For 1, they're expensive unless you're just trying to feed 1 person.  2 I think they tend to drive business away from smaller health food stores.  Now mind you it may just be the one I go to.  But it's a reason.  3 I can't stand the thought of paying so much money just to eat well.  And yet off I went.

     One of my friends at the lounge had mentioned a sandwich. One that actually intrigued me greatly.  I'm not a big sandwich person ordinarily.  My sister when she worked, and my brother in law, they could eat one every day for work.  Nope not me.  Hell I even like to be able to put it in the microwave for 10-20 seconds.  Just to warm it up to make it appetizing.  Anyway...

     Today's errand was for the making of this sandwich.  I navigated the very crowded store.  I was looking for the deli counter.  I'd heard they have lamb that they carve like a cold cut.  The only reason I didn't just blow off the idea was because of this store.  Yes the one 2 paragraphs above I spoke against.

      Well damn they had it.  And it was not cheap by any means.  $14.49 a pound.  Okay I figured if I got 3 sandwiches from it the cost would be like $5 per.  That would be akin to going to one of those fast food sandwich shops.  I bought half of a pound.  The young lady slicing it was very nice.  I of course sampled a piece before trying it.  It was pleasant, but then I do love lamb.

     Cheese counter.  I found a chunk of danish blue cheese, this was integral to the sandwich.  On the now rare occasions we go to the pub in town, I always get their Danish burger.  So I knew what I was in for.  A nice $5 piece, of which I still have some left in the fridge.

      Bread.  Down the bread aisle I went.  I was actually disappointed.  Not a great selection.  Aha! I thought to myself.  So they fail here.  Well intrepid adventurers like myself do not balk in the face of adversity.  I knew I must make sure.  So I asked.  Hell they had an entire area of fresh baked breads. I'll spare you the details and just say I went with a rounded whole wheat bread.  Still have some left in the fridge.

     Back at casa of life is I waited on dinner.  The idea was to make a nice sandwich of this.  I toasted the bread.  Even put some crumbly slices of cheese on the bread once I flipped it.  So it could get melty under the broiler.  Then 3 pieces of lamb.

     It was heavenly.  Mind you I knew that it was probably just the anticipation that made it that way.  The true test would be the next day's sandwich.  But for just that moment, it was the most delicious thing I'd eaten in a long time.

-diminishing returns?

Fridays child has a hangover

     I managed to go to the gym, more out of habit than anything.  Now was not the time to slack off.  And I do have a 5K walk coming up.

    There were a surprising amount of people that showed up for work.  A sad rhythm had begun to set in.

     I encouraged my lunatic of a co-worker to take whatever help they offered.  She was already looking.  Going on about her medical bills.  It would have been funny just a few scant weeks ago.  When you consider that she goes around saying how healthy she is.  Oh well, she's concerned like the rest of us.

     The day plodded along like a slow forced march.  The last of the big projects we'd been working on had finally finished.  There were brand new ones to start next week.

     It was also pay day then.  I had something special planned.  We will leave that for another entry.

-later 

Night of the living hangover

     At some point my brother in law said he needed to speak with me.  Long story shortened, he'd heard rumors.  I explained it all to him as one does with a terrified child.

     Told him I'd made the decision not to burden my sister with this while she was in the hospital.  Nothing to be done, no news.  Now was the time for action and not stress.  He actually agreed.  I had expected him to fly to her and tell her.  Congrats he made an adult decision.

     Thursday.  There is no normalcy anymore.  People are realizing what has happened.  And conducting themselves as such.  Yes there is anger and sadness in the building.  That is to be expected.

     I'd passed the legal department that morning, I was finally making rounds.  Found them to be a little boisterous.  Even happily saying the name of a competitor out loud, loudly.  The quote was...
"What are they going to do?  Fire me?  To late."

     It will be interesting to experience.  Somehow I must keep my spirits up. Work will continue.  Many will hopefully be looking for new employment before the end.  

     I know Thursday night my manager and I spoke again.  We agreed it was best to get the resumes in order.  I've begun mine.  Somehow I despise it.  

The hangover.

     At some point I spoke to my manager that night, Tuesday.  We talked for awhile.  Left it at we'd see what tomorrow brings.  Should hopefully be somewhat busy.

     If you're sitting there thinking I'm leaving some stuff out.  You're not wrong.  I'll try to not bash anything and such.  It is how this digital society is you know.  So don't expect details or company bashing.  Or even my company name.

     Wednesday.  I got to work.  Normal time.  Early enough to make the gym.  The usual 2 were there.  Pleasantries exchanged and nothing more.  I already saw this coming.

     My other co-worker was doing what they do and the lunatic came in.  Bid them both a morning.  Continued working on the project I was on.  My manager came in.

     There were a lot of small conversations.  I really avoided leaving my area.  I suppose it was sadness mixed with survivor guilt.  Most of the people I knew best were essentially wiped out.  Their jobs moved.  Of course they would be upset and angry, who could blame them.  I just wanted to avoid it at all costs.  And it wasn't all that difficult.

     Cafeteria was very empty.  The building had about the usual amount of people.  Like I implied, working in a half zombie state.  

     Spoke to my manager and said I needed to see the head of our department.  To first ask a question.  Then to make sure he knew I'd be staying.  I'm not about to slit my own throat if I don't have to.

     I got the meeting towards later in the afternoon.  There was not human resources or the dude with the accent.  I preferred that.  My questions were simple.  Firstly.
"Why me?"
"Seniority."
     I believed that one.  Because this dude doesn't know me from a hole in the wall.
"How long do you think this will last?"
"I think 2 - 3 years."
     He is leaving in a few months.  Yes terminated.  Giving the company lines.  But I really do not believe that at all.  I thanked him and said I'd stay.  No, I didn't wish him luck.  Then wasn't the time.

     Wednesday finished rawly.  Hell I even beat the lunatic out.  Was no time to even try for overtime.  Just going to play by the rules.

     Got home and fixed dinner.  Brother in law was visiting with sister.  Turns out she got a room.  Good for her.  Bad news was that her feet were swollen so they put her on Lasix.  She has a blood infection.  So she'll probably be in the hospital for a few weeks.

     Got a late start this Sunday morning.  I intend to keep this dialogue of sorts going.  Maybe peppered with some adventures and the weather improves.  I already have one.  Now is not the time for that.  Must finish coffee, get dressed, food shop.  

-later. 

Remains of the day and the hangover begins.

     Everyone and I mean everyone was just out of it.  Had a meeting We each had a meeting with the head of our department.  And some guy.  Was assured this was completely unexpected.  Nothing personal or to do with performance.  No idea where the company was headed.  They'd help with finding a job.

     There would be jobs left here, I could apply for.  Or I could apply for my position and if I got it they might pay for relocation.  I have til the end of the year.

     I just couldn't help sit there and smile.  It was such shocking bull crap.  And then at the end it came.

     Before you leave they said.  Here is what your bonus will be and here is you increase.

     Really, my eyes glazed over.  Ordinarily this should be a good thing.  But you just told several hundred people to essentially piss off.  Poorly done.

     And I might add that technically I was offered to stay past the deadline.  In a greatly diminished position.  I left the office and went back to my department.  Trying hard not to make eye contact.

     Manager was in and out.  I saw whole departments leaving.  I couldn't blame them.  I had a job and I was going to complete it to the best of my ability.

     What they did.  Essentially erased the one refuge from life I seemed to have.  I do enjoy what I do.  I enjoy the challenge.  I enjoy the people I deal with and my friends up there.  I enjoy getting away from the Hell that descends upon my world at home.  

     When the day was over I bid my manager a good night.  Got in my car.  Hoped with all my might that the cigars I ordered would be on my stoop.  I, for once, needed one.  

     Happiness they were there.  I had also made up my mind not to tell the inmates here.  Not until I had a chance to digest what the meaning of it all was.  Spoke with my sister and prepared to bring her some stuff.

     The visit in CCU was fine.  She was feeling better and in decent spirits.  I kept up the small talk.  When the visit was over I walked to my car and lit my cigar.

Exit stage left.

     Monday had been nice, windy with a little chill.  Brother in law came home from seeing sister in CCU.  She was in good spirits.  He proceeded to drink about 9 beers and passed out at some point.  Thus he overslept Tuesday morning.

     Tuesday.  The weather seemed almost Spring like.  Instead of gripping I just took some of the chicken I'd left over and went to work.  Was going to buy a salad and toss the chicken on it.  Made the gym, felt quiet.  The usual other 2 people.  At some point around noon I bought the salad.

     It was around 2.  Had to be because the early co-worker was gone for the day.  I'd made the decision to take my lunch to the car.  Someone from the department upstairs came in.  We were all wanted in the old auditorium.  Mandatory.

     Manager called the missing co-worker and I walked down with the resident loon. The room was literally packed.  Still had no idea what was going on.  But every department was there.  This didn't feel ordinary at all.

     It was a basic announcement.  They planned to consolidate to another location.  Ours was to be closed.  It was a tough decision the person said.  They'd arrived at it in December.

     Funny that.  At the company gathering, also mandatory, the CEO had told us such rumors were in fact wrong.  They had no intention of closing our facility.  This was also in December.

     I counted my fingers.  January.  February.  March.  They waited at least 3 months to let us know.  Why?  

     The shock waves were immediate.  All but 1 group who was told to stay filed out in astonishment.  My manager caught me.  He had his jacket on and asked if I wanted to go for some air.  Hell yes I said.

     We walked to get some smokes, for he not I.  Talking about the blow that had just been dealt.  We talked.  I made light of the situation on the way back.  It's just my way.  Sort of how I laugh when I'm truly stressed.  Strictly a ploy that hopefully makes you I'm okay.

     Said the thing I'm really going to miss, with the exception of the people, will be the free gym.  We laughed.  Got back.  Lot of people outside smoking.  Returning we were told to meet with the head honcho of our department.

     You could tell, from everyone's shocked demeanor.  Nothing was going to get done for the rest of the day.  Some people literally had tears in their eyes.  But we'll get to that eventually.

     Sorry that's it for right now.

-t.b.c.

Rubbed raw.

     Now that is a title.  It's rather apropos as to how I'm feeling right now.  Still to much to say and we will get to that.

     My first idea was to do a little tella novella.  Then things moved so swiftly.  What is a tella novella?

      Telenovelas are a distinct genre, different from soap operas, for telenovelas have an ending and come to an end after a long run (generally less than one year).  I got this definition off of wikipedia.  From what I know of them this sounds the most correct.  

     Let's see.  You know I wasn't able to pay the house bills last month.  I've told you about brother in laws' brother and sister.  I shall be looking with a ravenous eye as to whether I get a deposit from him this week.

     Friday was an interesting night.  I couldn't sleep worth shit.  Apparently neither could my sister.  I helped and got her stuff.  She was really short of breath.  She'd had chemo on Wednesday and figured she was just having the after effects.  She also claims that her anti anxiety pills make her that way.  She does have an excuse for everything.

     Saturday, dragged my ass around.  Hoped for sleep, had about 2 hours Friday.  Lay down around 8:30 and was up for the night at 10:30.  Which turned out not to be a bad thing.  It was about 4 in the morning.

    She was sitting in bed panting not being able to get a deep breath.  She asked me for her IPhone charger.  I knew she then had decided on going to the hospital.  She knew she couldn't make the door so an ambulance was called.  Woke my brother in law, unsure if he'd drank himself to sleep.  I think he did.

     Police arrived first.  You could tell the main officer was disgusted by the whole situation.  The woman cop never came back into the house.  No small conversation with the cop, we tried.  The emt's came and took her away.  She'd made us promise not to follow.  Said it would take awhile anyway.

     I went to the bakery run.  Cheated and went to the further one for me.  I desperately wanted a cronut.  Got the one I thought was so good the first time.  Nope no nearly as good.  Brother in law went up about 7:30.  Story shortened, she had an elevated heart rate and it was suspected that her pneumonia had returned.

     I did the food shopping and went to see her in the evening.  She was in CCU.  Seemed in okay spirits.  We had answers and such.  

     Monday came.  Just another ordinary day.  Well except for one thing.  I gave up on a game called clash of clans.  It is one of those phone games.  An annoying one that if you don't spend real money on tokens you can't get anywhere.

     I'd been raided a few times.  Moved my base to what should have been a good location by the water.  Nope.  Full of holes.  By the evening I watched the replay of 7 attacks.  Attacks that started right inside my carefully constructed vilage.  Had lot's of gold and some kind of liquid you needed.  I gave up.  Deleted it.  Technically couldn't blame the players.  But was just disgusted.

     Brother in law saw my sister.  She was doing better.  I'd go up on Tuesday.  She's fine now and already bitching about wanting to come home.  So my trepidation has nothing to do with her.  It's Tuesday.  What a day.

     I shall leave you dear readers here with that little cliff hanger.  It is why I am so raw.

-t.b.c.

Without words.

     Nice title.  It isn't that I've nothing to say.  More like I have to much.  Don't want to say to busy.  Don't want to say a lot of things right now.

     No I'm not going back on what I said ages ago.  When I queried why so many bloggers abandon ship when the going gets rough.  I mean I think I've taken you all through some of the bull and minutiae. 

     Partly it's just that I've been to tired.  I am working like an under paid dog.  Mind you I am enjoying it to an extent.  I am also still extremely broke.  

     House situation little has changed in reality.  To much is still expected of me.  So I'm wearing out here too.  Bright note is I've never hit the cardio at the gym as well and hard before this.

     Which is good because I've another 5K walk coming up in a month or 2 I think.  I really think I'm ready for it this time.  We'll see.  If you missed it it was a good time read I think.  A  4 or 5 part entry.  Just look for it if you are interested.

     Always surprised how easily words start flowing after a few minutes of typing.  I mean I had intended a brief entry.  And here we are, I'm almost feeling cohesive.

     There were highlights and low lights of last weekend.  Nothing huge mind you.  And now it is a week later.  Standing on the precipice of the weekend.  I've little money.  Oh and I never did go to the lounge last Sunday.  Oddly I was proud of that.  Not spending money I didn't really need to spend and such.

     Money.  It all keeps coming back to that right now.  The younger version of me is looking at it and laughing.  I know that because I am as well.  Just not as cavalier about it.

     Okay I need a coffee refill and the shower should be free in a few.  I'll try to have something to say this weekend.

-later

The remains of the pot.....

     We're talking Saturday morning coffee pot here gang.  Yet another salacious title.  Tsk.  Tsk.  Tsk.

     This has been a really, really long week.  With what is going on here and the work load at work is simply insane.  One of our brands is ordering shit like crazy.  We are getting it out but are being hampered by our machine having issues.  Issues the techs can't seem to fix.

     I am still broke.  I still do not have enough money to cover the household bills, which remain unpaid for February.  I can't even pay my own.  I did get paid yesterday so I will see what exactly I can do.  If anything at all.

     At some point in this depressing week in the house progress was made.  Firstly we found the paperwork.  My sister agreed to let his sister help us.  I was even happy she was willing to come out here.  That was my goal.

     I wanted 1 or both of the trustees to see the mess we live in.  Not to be.  Brother in law scanned in the Social Security paper work and sent emailed it to sister.  Basically, it's been done.  If anything there is one section that didn't need to be filled out.  So that's a bit of good news.

     Also they've relented and are sending him and my sister $1,000 from the trust.  With 2 more to follow when paper work is done.  How much will the house see?  None I wager.

     Because of the impending snow storm and the fact that he thinks we can finish the paperwork on our own, sister is not coming.  Yes I'm disappointed.  I was ready for a confrontation.  Oh well.

     So right now as it stands.  I cannot spend so much as an extra dollar until the 15th.  Exception of course being gas.  Maybe no cigar lounge either.  

     My plans right now are to drag a comb across my head.  (purely Beatle ref as I don't even own a comb.)   Go to bank.  I think I will spend some time at the library in the reading room today.  There's a book I've been meaning to read.

     Tomorrow will I hit the lounge?  Oh that really is the question isn't it?  In truth I'm not sure.  I should know better when I pay everything.  My spending has been low.  But putting things on my Amex has got me in receipt of skyrocketing bills.  So I must do a cursory budget.  I've gotten to the point where I spend a whooping $4 a week on myself.  Not a day.  A 5 day work week.

     Tensions have eased considerably, they always do when there's a check promised.  My 3 month plan?  Still in effect.  If I'm stuck here I will clean.  I plan to keep food bills low as well.  My jaw hit the floor last night when they did take out.

     Brother in law even asked if she wanted the meatballs and fettuccini alfredo they couldn't afford last night.  I was aghast.  There was tuna salad and pasta in the fridge.  Yup.  I had tuna.  They wound up with sandwiches from the kosher deli.  $28 for 2 sandwhiches and a side of potatoe pancakes.  

     I had a very nice tuna wrap with avacado, salad greens, and I couldn't say no to a bit of shredded cheddar on it.  Not bad at all.  Coffee is almost done.  Going to make a quick egg with jalapeno on top of half a bagel.  Then the rest of my day.  Have a good one.

-later