Up to my neck in a sea of problems.  Not quite what I was going for but it shall have to do.  Lot's been happening, still haven't mentioned my weekend outing and such.  Ahh where to begin.  Woes or annoyances?

     Woes.  At the moment things are bleak.  As the only responsible person in this house hold things are literally left for me to take care of.  Food preparation.  Do something about the garage door.  Seems one of them backed into the garage hard enough to make a dent.  It's a 2 car garage filled with crap and of course my lawn equipment.  Well I've done the best that I can with the dent, the door will only open a little higher than a garbage can.  We have a bee problem in the roof, well I'll have to call and pay for the exterminator.  Oh and pay the house bills and all that piddly little stuff.  Okay enough of this.  Unfortunately will haunt the rest of this blog.

     I've been doing a lot, in terms of, stuff I've never done.  So I decided to go to the end of the Island to the light house.  It was my birthday.  I was feeling generous.  So I invited them.  It can be a long and grueling trip on any day to the end of the island.  Really not that far in terms of mileage.  I'm talking roads.  Much of it done on 2 lane roads, speed traps, traffic builds up quickly.

     The day opened windy, gray, and bleak.  Sister was thinking of postponing.  I was going anyway.  Oh the benefit of inviting them, besides being nice, we would take brother in law's newer nicer car.  But I insist it was really about being nice, that was a side benefit.

     After hemming and hawing we departed about 11.  Later than I would have liked.  Sister not feeling real well, brother in law lump like in the back seat.  I entertained myself thoroughly.  I got to change the radio station every so often.

.....to be continued....because I've learned not to inundate you all with to much at once.

The malaise has lifted

     My goodness the my country is finding me boring.  If those stats are to be believed.  Coming in 3rd in reading this.  Ah well, they'll hopefully come back too.  After all I put them first in the label, sneaky person that I am. 

     As the title states the malaise, I'm now defining the feeling yesterday by that term, has lifted.  Much like a lazy fog on a dismal day, revealing that the fog may have been the most enchanting part of the day.    
   
      Was a damp gray day again.  Work was hectic.  People are people.  Actually, yesterday dragged like crazy.  Kept looking up from whatever I was doing and couldn't believe the time.  At some point my sister called, near 3, nothing important was the message.  Means basically I can call when I get a chance.

     Enterprise had given her a car rental for 30 days, through auto insurance and such.  Car due back Thursday the 25th.  If I didn't mention it and I probably didn't, the credit card she used got cancelled.  So yesterday they called and wanted the car back a day early.  Car is $152 with insurance.  Anything over $150 they do not take anything but a credit card, and they will call and report the vehicle stolen.  Oh and they are along the same damned stretch where she had the accident.

     The upshot is I need to go in late this morning.  So I can go and give my credit card and she can have the car 1 more day.  Oh joyous.  And since I promised to talk less of them, no there are no other options.  End tale.  Well, actually they were part of my weekend, sorry.

    

Off the cuff.

     There is a part of me, that is just not content at all.  To many little things left hanging.  Much has been left torn asunder.  Even now at 5:30 in the morning there is a discontent within me.  Just sitting on the edge of my scope, far enough so I cannot quite determine what it is about.

     The weekend was pleasant enough and worth an entry unto itself.  Work seems okay.  But there is something.  I cannot get a firm hold of it and it distracts me to the utmost right now.  Loose threads here.

     Weekend, lawn, bills, car, car, and car.  And yet that isn't it.  They just help to compile the general malaise.  Yes perhaps that is the word I want instead of discontent.  I really do not know.  Sort of just flowing this out in a few paragraphs, exercising not exorcising my inner angst.  Yes there is a difference.

     I strive better on the edge.  Don't we all?  When we have nothing to go for we all tend to get lackadaisical and lazy.  Maybe that's part of it too.  I'm letting myself fall into the norm of this house again.  I'm not molding I'm being molded.  That must stop.

     I'll make a note.  When I come home tonight no computer, a smoke and yard work.  And that is where we shall start.  One has to start somewhere you know.

Waiting on the coffee....Waiting on the coffee

     The title of this post is best viewed while huming "Waitign for the Sun" by The Doors.  Yes I'm doing this even before coffee.

     Well as I may have hinted I went out on a Thursday night.  As I may have intoned I've been fairly reclusive for a lot of reasons for the past decade.  That ends this year.  With Spring and the release of Persephone, I get more energy. If you don't know the greek myth, she's the daughter of Demeter.  Go look it up.

     Maybe 2 weeks before I'd gotten an e-mail from one of the secretaries, if they still go by that, upstairs.  A young woman I know and became friendly with.  Well one of the other woman, who got let go in November I think, was having a 50th birthday celebration.

     I was very familiar and freindly with her.  A good enough friend that she knew about my open heart surgery.  And all the events leading up to it.  We exchange emails every so often.  Well damned straight I was going.  I didn't even blink and eye, didn't think about the kiddies at home, I was going.

     It had been so long since I actually went out at night like this. 

Apparently this was supposed to be the post before the other one first.  Oh well.

night out countinued

     It is Spring time, okay was chilly and windy, but still.  I went through a few years of declining health that kept me prisoner here.  Before that, well that is another story, and it begins with my mom's cancer.  So let's just not go there.

     I've pretty much given a picture of my life at home at times.  Pretty accurate.  They prefer to be home and never leave.  I was never that way when I was able.  Sadly, my sister is realizing that she'd like to get out more, cannot on her own so much.  And my brother in law is just a stress monster.  He's happiest in the basement with his computer and beer.  But this isn't about them.

     They've gotten into a lot of bad habits, the main one is relying on me being around.  Usually by 6 it's time to order dinner.  Brother in law is drunk so he can't go get it.  Sister never goes and now cannot.  So yours truly.  I threw a wrench into their plans and announced I was going out.

"Where? With who?" my sister whinned
"Have fun." my brother in law shrugged.

     To be honest in the last decade I've let a lot of things slide.  That includes friends.  After mom died I continued on sort of like she was still there depending on me.  Run home and cook dinner.  I mean meals that would knock your socks off back in the day.  They lapped that shit up like mad, expected it of me.  Lost a lot of respect of some people.  One time when a friend asked me to come over after work I replied that I had to go home and make dinner.  His response was something to the effect of "Is something wrong with them?" 

     It was on a Thursday so I had a few days to find the place.  Google failed me for the first time.  Told me it was in an industrial area.  So on Monday I checked the location and nope not there.  What?!  Ask someone!? Hell no!  Eventually I figured it out.

     Last I had heard 2 of my co-workers were going to car pool there.  Wasn't invited and didn't ask.  I arrived around quarter to six.  Typical Apple bee's type place.  Was a whole lot of people at the bar.  I had a good time.  Didn't drink.  The woman who it was for was absolutely thrilled I came.  Was nice.  She was now working for one of the towns for Super Sandy relief.  So at least she has an income for now.

     Usual stuff.  Banter.  Found out, from the wife, that our head electrician hadn't had a wage increase in 5 years because he was at the top pay rate.  Stuff like that.  I left around 9.

     Arrived home, found out they did take out.  Apparently brother in law and sister had horrible night and such.  Usual shit.  Went to bed happy I'd gone.

"What's wrong with them?  Can't they take care of themselves."

     Got that a lot.  So things slid.  I let some people down I suppose.  But devoted time and energy that could have been better suited to myself and others.  Well, it's now time for that once again.

     So I got them dinner and bid them adieu.  My plan was to hit an independent movie theatre a few towns away.  I'd loved this place, especially when I lived in the town.  Had its perks and a few detraction's.  It's done up nicely, even has a cafe in it.  Small and intimate.  Think the last thing I saw here was March of the Penguins, 2005.  So it's been awhile.

     It was so wonderfully freeing to be out on a Saturday night again.  I knew it wouldn't be anything big.  But just something different.  It felt right.  The only down side was really that I had to delay taking a medication, but this was worth it.

Hold on there....hold onto your horses

     The promised blog is unfinished in my drafts.  It's about 5 A.M. Monday morning.  Next couple days are off days for me and finally have some good weather to look forward to.  No I'm not someone who sleeps in on days off, usually.  Only if I'm not feeling so well.  And a lot of time it's because I'm sleeping in.  It is a vicious cycle.

     I've even got a slight preliminary of a schedule.  Mostly for today.  The only unfortunate part is that I've to be out early.  If I'm not my sister shall pester me to death with requests and asking me what I'm going to do with my day off.  Trust me, I'll be busy enough.

     Need to do some banking.  They've informed me that they feel I should be responsible for the whole of the landscaping bill for the last 2 years.  Long story and ridiculous.  It is a sore point because we agreed to split it half, I took and paid the larger one already.  And that is the last talk of them today.

     After that I'm going to test drive a few vehicles.  I'm going to hit Hyundai, Ford, and Toyota.  I want to test drive the following, Sonata, Focus, Corolla.  I really do think I'll wind up with another Toyota, but getting closer to pulling the trigger.  Oh and must apply for a bank loan.  Apparently they're having car loan sales this month.  Meaning rates are ridiculously lower.

     I didn't want to get one until I was close.  You see if I don't use it within 30 days they expire and I have to get a new one.  At whatever the interest rate is that month.  Another reason to have enjoyed the shopping experience.

     I also need to get my title from motor vehicles.  They never did mail it to me when my loan was paid off.  So I'll get that done as well.  Some clothing shopping.  I must get 2 new pairs of pants and 2 shirts.  Pay some bills; 1 load of laundry; call Dr.; do pots and pans from last week; take a walk; do some food shopping.

     That is a rough list.  No, you don't see anything about relaxing on there.  No need to adjust your eyes.  Tomorrow I'd like to devote to my front lawn and setting up properly for Spring.

     I discovered I haven't been walking outdoors enough.  I've a 5K walk I'm doing in May.  You see walking on a treadmill is great exercise.  The problem it isn't walking out of doors.  There are terrain nuances, wind, little hills, things you can't get just by moving the elevation.  Mind you I'm still going to do the treadmill at work.  But must incorporate out of door training.  Need to clock route this morning and see how long it takes.  Wish me luck.

    

A tad disheartened...

     I'm thinking to much in to short of a time.  Mayhaps people just lost track.  Shame I had few to go.

     Just got distracted.  Sister called me in to ask me to take day off to take her to the chiropractor.  She really doesn't quite get it.  She stopped more than a decade ago, and that was when she hadn't been there for a few years.  She was outraged that the chiropractor, a nice woman, wanted her to get some xrays done.  I tried to explain it to my sister that she needed to call to get the ball rolling.

     She'd prefer me to my brother in law.  It's a clinging issue.  It is also that he literally spends no time with her.  Is easily agitated by everything little thing.  And reacts like a damned child to any stress.  Yelling, stomping, and such. 

     Hmm.  Is this the reason the entries went off page.  To much of them and not enough about me?  They seem to have an overriding effect on my entire existence.  This wasn't supposed to be a place for me bring them along.  I'll try my best to exorcise them from these future entries.

busy day.

     The week moved at it's own pace.  Neither running like a thoroughbred nor dragging.  Never heard anymore about my co worker's Amazon order.  Sister came home early 1 day.  That's about it.

     We use the same accountant.  Me mostly out of laziness.  Seriously I could do my own.  I generally like the man.  Small office feel, always some chit chat.  He was also the one that got me a refund from the state.  A big deal for me.  Was like $80.

     I only got a refund from the state once before.  It was, as I remember it $14.  Well, apparently I was wrong.  They demanded their money back and what I owed them.  Nothing huge, $20.  So needless to say I trust this guy.  My brother in law and sister use him too.

     She'd been harping on me about when I was going to get my taxes done, so I did.  Got a small bit back from the Federal.  It was a nice day as I remember.  Neither of them were up for food shopping and no one was going to go on Easter Sunday.  I'd already bought a spiral sliced ham earlier in the week.  Was still to large for the 3 of us.  Although I did use some of it for ham and eggs one night for dinner.

     After the taxes I hit the lounge.  Hung out for awhile.  Found out that the other fellow was going to be working that night.  Use full intel.  Nothing against him, just not someone I'd hang out with.

     I decided to hit 1 or 2 dealerships.  Stopped by the pre-owned Toyota dealership.  I'd seen a reasonable car on the web site.  Salesman I wanted to see wasn't in.  Spoke to the man that waited on me and he told me flat out he had nothing on the lot in my price range.  I didn't feel like arguing.  Off to the next.  It was Volkswagen.  I'd gone more than a decade ago on a rainy day.  I remember the dude wanted me to take a test drive that day.  I balked at the very idea, still not sure why.

     The person I should speak to, as the receptionist stated, was busy.  I looked around the show room floor.  I was descended upon by a slightly familiar face.  Dude with thinning red hair, friendly, damned familiar.  He began his spiel.  It was utter drivel.  Showed me a brochure.  Asked what I was looking for in a car.  Had an odd habit of putting the end of his glasses in his mouth.  Very odd.  He wanted me to test drive a Jetta, even though I didn't want one.  Just plain wasted my time.  When told they required my license for the test drive I said no.  That was that.  I walked back out to my car.  Lit a cigar and thought.  "Damn" I knew it now.  10 some odd years ago when I came to this dealership.  There was a red headed salesman here that on a rainy day wanted me to test drive a new VW Beetle.  Same damned dude.

     To be Continued...

    

Tuesday....

     Sunday morning, just had Italian custard from bakery, having 2nd cup of coffee, awaiting shopping list review, so let's get started.

     Tuesday was bleak, ugly, windy, hints of rain.  Literally the kind you just want to stay indoors.  Off to work I went, thinking it was not a good day for people be on the road.  A major roadway was closed due to an overnight accident.  Work went as it goes.  Made it to the early afternoon, just before lunch.  Was actually talking to a repeat client, seems there was something wrong with a job I'd sent her.  My manager was there as well.  It would turn out to be problems with my Adobe, ugh.  Anyway.  Saw my sister's cell number pop up on the office line and I picked it up.

"What's up?", somehow knowing something was awry.
"I've just been in a multiple car accident.  I don't know what happened.  Can you please come and get me."

     First the reason she called me, location. I work 20 miles from home.  Brother in law that day was 60 miles.  So that I understood.  Of course I made my apologies and left.  Oh I'll still complain about them like the dickens, but when it comes down to it, I know my responsibilities.

     The accident happened a few miles from her job.  I'm not going into details because, just because.  Was not her fault, it was a change reaction.  Started by a kid reaching for his cell phone. 

     It was a blustery cold and windy day when I got outside.  Gone was the nice weather once again.  In fact, if memory serves, there was snow on the grassy areas when I'd left for work.  Lit a cigar and wend my way to the scene of the accident.

     Found them easily on a very busy main road.  In fact same road where I started my car shopping.  Made worse by the cold and wind.  Her car looked the worse.  Police were there and such.  I took pictures with my cell phone.  Guess I'm not complaining about it so much now.  Also called the insurance company, they've the same as me.  Asked them to leave a number for the claims department on home answering machine.

     My sister declined going to the hospital.  No one did in fact.  Once it was all said and over, we drove her car to our mechanic, who is also on this same road.  The reason she was there?  No straight answer.  Picked up her stuff from work and went home.  Where she proceeded to get right on the situation.

     For once she was on top of things.  I'd gotten her the number off the answering machine and she was speaking to the claims department.  I felt it was important, figured she'd put it off if she had time to.

     Brother in law arrived home.  All well more or less.  After that I ducked out for another smoke.  A little traumatic, maybe not worth the build up, but it's done.  And I'm still not 100% about the timeline here.

     She would not go to work on Wednesday.  Came home early on Thursday or Friday.  Seems alright.  Doesn't want to sue, just would like her car back.  Been a bit of a battle getting an assessor.  But then that's jumping the gun.  We've not even gotten to Saturday.  That should be the next missive.

I wend my way home.

     I was prepared for the firestorm on the drive home.  More annoyed about the intrusion into my private time than anything else.  At home things had the air of calming down.  I was berated for forgetting 1 item during shopping and how could I buy only 3 pork chops.  I laughed it off literally.  It fell apart from there.

     Brother in law was sort of there.  Sister was talking about how we'd let the house and everything go and it needed cleaning badly.  I agreed.  Also mentioned we'd had this conversation countless times.

     Bit of fore shadowing for you.  I'll get to it, but this past Thursday night I had plans.  They actually cooked.  Friday morning I saw the flour on the floor and on the dog container lid.  Forgot to clean it up that night.  I cleaned it this morning.  Literally 2 days of the flour just sitting there.  Anyway.

     We agreed we'd devote some time each weekend, take a room and tackle it.  I consented as I always do.  Knowing well and good that it will never happen.  Sad really.  I would do it myself except my sister insists on being involved.  My brother in law is pretty much useless in this sense.

     Monday?  Dark skies, windy, unpleasant.  Can't remember much else.  Tuesday came on like a bad B movie.  I even remember thinking I was glad not to have to go out for lunch that day.  My sister called me around 1 in the afternoon.  She'd been involved in a car pile up.

Sunday Broke

     By the way I didn't do a spell check of the previous blog.

     I think I've told you of one of my greatest joys and pleasures no?  It is my online video game.  I'm at it the most late at night before bed or in the wee hours before work or starting weekends.  U.O. it is called.  I've been at it for years.

     Started playing well let's say this century was just a wee pup.  It was a lot of fun, had a lot of friends.  It also helped me a lot.  Mom was going through her battle with cancer, I'd moved back home and changed my life.  So basically I'd sit here play, and be close by if and when she needed me.  I played the game even after she died.

     The version of my life shortly thereafter is one, well if you've been a reader I guess you've gleamed all the information.  If not I'm not going back into it just for you.  If I've even said anything, but I'm sure I have.  Anyway.

     I had an email that my credit card had been declined.  Huh?  This happened once before so I decided to let it go and it should correct itself.

     It's 7 in the morning right now as I type this.  Having a difficult time keeping the exact time line straight.  An hour to go before breakfast and starting this day.  I need more coffee?  Maybe.

     Alright think I'm back.  Did not go to mass on Saturday as it was Palm Sunday.  My brother in law is what people call an A. & P. Catholic.  So we made the 7:30 mass Sunday morning.  Probably another reason I wasn't so concerned with my game not being available.  The other account was still open after all.

     Did the bakery run.  The shopping list.  My sister wasn't going but was in full bitch mode.  Putting things on, nastily saying not to forget this or that.  It is best in that case for me to keep my mouth shut.  A few times she asked if I had a problem with the list.  Of course I did.  But remained silent. 

     Shopping consists of 2 supermarkets.  This pretty much tires my brother in law out.  All he can manage afterwards is doing a few little errands, finishing laundry, and oh yes, drinking beer.

     It was off to the lounge.  My sister and I had some words.  Told her what we were unable to get.  She would retort but it was on the list.  I told her if it's not there it's not there.  So damned annoying.

     Relaxing at the lounge, my phone rang.  It was her...ugh.
"Oh brother dear we need to talk" she said in her sarcastic sing song voice.

     I don't remember all the details, but pretty much ruined my mellow.  I waited a few hours then went home.

     The storm of bitchiness was just about over.  A lot of complaining and such.  Not worth the time.  And unfortunately on the bright Sunny Saturday morning, they're all ready starting to piss me off.  This is it for now.  Maybe another entry after they leave.

fuzzier memory

     Time sometimes heals all wounds, but definitely makes memories fuzzier.  But we'll give it a try.  Remember this is like 2 or perhaps 3 Saturdays ago.  What did you do?

     I'm not entirely I know I had a sucessfull day that day.  The weather was windy, chilly but was just out of the house in general.  I decided on a movie that night after mass.  This way it would put me home while hopefully they fought out their bad mood and went to sleep.  As I said, and do clearly remember, the mood was most foul in my home. 

     Limited contact was key for me.  I went and picked up dinner, brother in law was of course drinking.  Unfortunately for me, by the time I got to the little movie house 25 some on miles away the lot was full.  It's an independant place, they've a little cafe, also serves as some kind of school.  Now when I say lot was full, There was parking wayyyyyy in the back.  Not the greatest place to be I felt.  Plus it was still really chilly and windy.  I may be back in shape, but even I didn't want to walk back up hill in that late at night.  I lit a cigar.

     Now I could just drive almost 60 miles in the complete opposite direction.  To be honest, since the dude running it that night wasn't my pal I passed.  Yes that's the only reason, nothing to do with waste of gas and such.  Well I guess if I'd gone there and didn't care for the atmosphere he brings, I'd bitch about that.  I'm now thinking that I must have gone to the lounge early in the day.  It would be the only way I'd have known who was working.  Anyway.

     So I enjoyably drove around for awhile and headed home.  I'd forgotten about how much I loved to be out at night.  I suppose in my health and then convalescence and taking care of them.

     I promised myself more of this as the weather improved.  Especially once I get another car that didn't have me concerned.  All in all I had a nice evening even though I did nothing special.  Didn't particularly call anyone.  Got home around 9 and it was quiet, everyone in bed.  I was well pleased.  At some point I went to bed.

     The next entry will be Sunday Broke.

Read

     Good Morning, time is very limited.  Okay in my drafts I've a beginning of that weekend.  The week that follows should be the next post after that, don't entirely remember every little detail of the weekend either.  It has been a busy couple of weeks.

     Tonight I won't start.  Why?  I've a 50th birthday party of an ex-coworker to celebrate after work.  Oh the drama that caused.  There's food in the kitchen for them, they have to cook it.  Lot's and lots of stuff to cover.

    So on Friday night and or Saturday morning, I'll begin again for you all to cover last couple of weeks.  That will include.

     Moodiness, Car accident,  Easter Weekend, following week, and of course the birthday party.

     So get ready, I've got some posting to do.  And you've got some reading.  Later.