Monday was busy.

     I'd taken off to take my sister to chemo.  In my heart I felt she blew it off on Friday, but didn't go through the extra step to prove it.  What would be the point?

     Sunday night into Monday she was sick apparently.  Got up ill on Monday.  Informed me at about 7:30 she wouldn't be going.  Understandable.  I now had a choice.  Make a dash for work.  Or stay home and get a shitload done.  I chose the latter.

     I started off the morning with a blood test.  I put my food supplies for myself away.  Made a quick appointment for an oil change.  To be informed that next month I would be needing brakes.  You know, stuff Jiffy Lube can't tell you.  Onto a hair cut.  Wasn't going to my usual guy even if he was open.  Didn't want to risk the chance of bringing something back to my sister.

     Went to a chain.  Woman was fully showing 9 months of pregnancy and was fun as heck.  She had 3 other kids.  Not sure if she was married, somehow I just never ask anymore.  I would like to cut hair is she was a single mom raising 3 kids on a salary.  Oh well.

     Decided, since it was the most pleasant day in a long time.  Think the temps got up to around 40.  We started back in the 20's yesterday, Tuesday.  I got my car washed.  I simply cannot believe how many times I've done it since the purchase.  But at least this car you can tell and it looks damned good.  Plus I can see the interior of the car, it's all black.

     Quick debate about lunch.  Saved money and sodium by eating home.  Just an aside, dropped 10 pounds of water weight over the weekend.  Was partly why I bought supplies.  I really have to monitor better.  Even last night I had to say no to their dinner idea.  Tonight will do some pasta, red sauce for them, pesto for me.  Pesto is real easy to make.

     Surprisingly sister was still asleep.  Out again into the wild.  (losing the thread.  My sister is up issuing requests/demands.  Really ruins the mood.)

     Day ended around 2.  Still asleep.  Made a couple of hard boiled eggs.  She did want them.

     Anyway a bunch of other stuff.  Got a lot done.  Was actually happy had the day to accomplish all of it.  Some of which didn't make the blog.  Deal with it.  

-later

Feeling Raw

     For some reason tonight I feel raw.  What does that mean.  I miss some friends I have never actually met.  What?  People I met online is what I am talking about.

     When I got my first computer I hit a chat room. This would be my very first time in a chat room.  I didn't know what to expect.  It was either 1999 or 2000, I cannot remember the year exactly anymore.  Now 14 years later, I am missing them.

     Susan or Se.  My very first friend on line.  A woman who lives? in Illinois.  Nice polite, always helpful and cheery.  It is the search of her that causes me to write.  Oh the trials and tribulations of online friendships. I've had many.

     Sty was also one, she was a hair dresser in the Carolina's.  There were others, these are the most notable.  Eventually 7 would come along.  Had the longest contact with him.

     We'd chat on yahoo messenger and such all 4 of us.  Great times.  Part of me still misses them.  They were there to help support me and I them.  And now it's been nothing.  Sty, lost her long ago and truth is wasn't a terrible thing.  By lost I mean lost as in contact.

     Se.  I fear she may be no longer.  That saddens me in a place that I cannot quite comprehend.  And to further it she may be fine.  She was always flaky.  I remember one of the last phone calls we had.  Was 4 or 5 years ago.  I called her while on vacation.  Moody person wasn't in the mood to talk.

     Occasional emails.  Then my open heart surgery.  I've bored you with this before.  She was one of the people I sent a personal email to.  The response I got was shattering.  Essentially she needed to get a new email address and would be in contact. It would be a full year later until I heard from her again.  I was annoyed and let her know.

     A few emails, we seemed to be mending the friendship.  Then nothing.  It's been 2 years.  She was in very bad health.  Think 8-10 years my senior.  I found her on Facebook but never befriended her.  Mostly because, well Facebook didn't hold any charm for me.  Especially with constant monitoring from my sister.  There I said it.  Or wrote it.

     My friend's last post was March 2013.  I've sent emails.  Somewhere I have a new number she gave me.  I'm thinking of calling tomorrow.  What will I say.

5:30 on a Sunday morning.

     Wow did I get a night's sleep.  I applied the head to the old pillow about 9.  Woke up at about 4.  That is huge for me.  Especially since I slept so poorly Friday night.  Looks like we got an inch or 2 of snow last night. 

     A nice hot shower awaits, then the bakery run.  Feeling a little better too.  I've actually already started the loss of the water weight.  Really must remember to be more vigilant about what I eat.

     Hit price club yesterday.  Bought Oatmeal, Berries, and frozen Salmon.  Man the the price of the fish go up.  But so worth it.  Still comes up somewhere around $3 and change per serving.  

     Have the day off tomorrow.  Taking sister to chemo.  Laundry day as well for me.  Why not.

     Man this house is so cold.  I was freezing yesterday.  Had errands that needed running.  Well it was 30 something outside, an improvement to be sure.  What shocked the shit out of me was how much warmer it was than my house felt.  But this place has always felt cold.

     Many a fine chilly spring day I start off with a heavy jacket and long sleeve shirt.  Only to go outside and find it quite pleasant.  This old house has served.  Oh and that reminds me.  I must contact the lawyer tomorrow.  The deed thing you know.  Or maybe not.

     Ahh 15 minutes has passed.  Water closet, forgot that I love that one, must be warmed up.  Or now that I ponder the phrase, has the bathroom word taken over.  Who cares.  The place where I wash.  There does that serve everyone now.  Good.

     If I actually thought the brother in law would go to the bakery, I'd get back into bed.  No.  I've tried it before.  The only time he really stood up and did it was while my health was utterly failing.  Hopefully he put his money on the door.  We split the bakery.

     They get a couple of plain rolls.  He gets a vanilla frosted doughnut.  She a chocolate custard doughnut.  I'm the wild card.  In fact when I go to the bakery the girls sometimes remember before I do.  I often refer to it as the obligatory rolls and doughnut combo.  

     Every thing from the bakery is good.  Portions have gotten smaller.  Like everything else.  Muffins are a joy.  They make a wonderful chocolate chip muffin.  Stop making faces.  Trust me I don't like them normally either, they are usually sickeningly  sweet.  They actually make them nice.  It is literally a muffin with chips.  My favorite is the chocolate chip banana muffin. 

     Usual danish.  Wonderful assortment of turnovers.  Including a nice selection of sugar free.  My go to however, as any reader here can tell you, the chocolate danish.  Microwaved for about 11 seconds, yes I settled on a time.  Heavenly.  

     Okay just let the dog in and out.  I wait for the poor thing.  So glad to have an indoor bathroom.  She is very fast in the poor weather.  Have a day and Think Spring.

-later

25 degrees on a windy Saturday

     Any which way you cut it, it's cold as heck outside.  Wind is whipping the snow about.  We got a good 14 inches on Wednesday.  And it won't be above 32 for a long time.  Really wonder how it will affect the the Big game on next Sunday.

     Seems somewhat ridiculous for people to be out in this weather for any amount of time.  I'll be making as few outside trips as I can.  But I do need to go to price club.  Need oatmeal.  Want frozen salmon.  

     I let my diet go to pot once again.  More sodium wise than crap wise.  I forget how easily it all builds up.  So I'm resetting this weekend.  In other words eating very little sodium, and not much junk of any kind.  I usually find that is what helps.  So we'll see.  I'm just not as concerned as I was last night.  Even thinking of starting a new blog on it.  Are there any dedicated to sodium?

     Another factor could be my fluids.  This condition is very strange to manage.  Am I drinking to much?  Maybe.  The heart is weakened.  Not as bad as the first hospital in the Fall suggested mind you.  But still weakened.  So I'll be monitoring that again as well.  And if this succeeds.  Well guess that means play it clean.

     I'm moving back to having coffee on the weekends only, and only 1 cup.  Not sure that move, just feels right.  Stuff I'm drinking now is rather old.  Made at 6. I woke at 8 and poured it at 8:30.  Tis my only cup this morning.  Just think that it is something also to cut back on.  Again I don't have any real reason for this.  And you all know how I love my coffee.

     Lunch and dinner this weekend will be a challenge.  I've little money and it is expensive to buy healthy choices.  Money is tight as ever.  I've no food in the fridge so to speak.  Stuff like that there.

     Since I'm not going anywhere much today, I'll start writing that treatise entry I've mentioned.  Must look up that word.  I did and crossed it out.  Not sure I'll be that detailed.  Still a cool word, treatise.

     Okay time to get some juice and gather my thoughts.  Have a good day.  Think Spring!

-later
 

     

Some issues.

     Hello, tis I once again.  Sorry about the hiatus.  Been long and tired.  Not taking care of myself exactly.  Am carrying way to much water weight.  Need to get back on track before I wind up in the hospital.  Just got the bill from the last trip.  More money I owe and cannot quite pay.

     The water weight is a real pain in the ass.  My heart is not strong enough to get rid of it all.  I supposed it was bad eating habits alone.  But nope.  If I'm not better by next weekend, I'll either be dead or back in the hospital.  Whoopee!  One of these times they're going to realize I'm just poor.  Then they'll say sorry can't help you.

     Anyway to Hell with that drivel. I did tell you all I'd be straight as much as I could.  And to be honest, no new adventures.  I mean I could gripe if that's what you want.  Just not in the mood.

     I've a few things I still want to write here.  That cell phone review.  The commentary on computer games.  Difference between subscription games and FTP or Free To Play.  I imagine there is an audience somewhat.  As well as some people that don't know about it.

     Other than that all is well sort of.  I just need to get back on track.  This just isn't me right now. Now that's an ending sentence except that I told you this just following it.

-later

1977 Essay

     Was clearing out some stuff and I came upon an assignment I wrote in the 4th grade.  It tickled my fancy.  4th grade will always have been my very favorite segment of life.  This would be a scant 7 months before my heart troubles took front and center.

     There is a blog I follow, 70s-child, I'm from the same era so it resonates for me.  And the essay or assignment I think speaks to an innocence long gone by.  It also speaks of a future that I never quite would know either.  To have made this essay a reality the year would have been 2002.

     First and foremost, there were no homeless.  They were tramps, hobo's, bums.  Usually from my recollections portrayed as kindly scamps, at least on television.  I loved the idea of it.  In fact one year I went as a bum for Halloween.  Fingerless gloves.  Mom burned some cork so as to give me an unkempt beard.  It was great.  Well I wanted to do something different so here it is.

May 1, 1977.  4-M Language
     When I am 25 I am going to try the first few years as a bum because I have always wondered what a bum's life was like.  Here are some of the things I would like to know, where do they sleep, what do they eat?
     After I am going to sell computers, in the city.  my dad sold terminals.  these were things used to talk to the actual computer.  I had no real clue.  This would be years before P.C.'s would be a reality.  I'm going to have a house in the country and a dog.

     To get to work I will take the train to the city.  But I will have to get up early.  When I get to the city I will stop somewhere for breakfast.


     That is where it ends.  Pure innocent youth.  What lay just ahead of him is incomprehensible to him.  I'm glad I was that child once.

-later.

Inspiration where for art thou?

     Morning.  Me and coffee here.  Near 7 A.M.  Been up and down all night.  No reason, just one of those nights.  The long week is over, manager is probably back on Monday.  Had to put out a few fires, nothing major.

     I'm going to keep it very low key until March.  Money.  How tiresome, no?  Asked if brother in law would be making a house deposit this week and he said probably not.  I said most of the bills probably wouldn't get paid.  Didn't really seem to phase him.  

     This month I've one huge bill to deal with.  It includes 1 week of shopping plus the new microwave.  So I'm thinking of lying low until March.  No unnecessary expenses.  Will be interesting.

     Let's see.  What else have I to say?  Well in future entries I've some ideas.  For instance a comparison between Subscription games or what's called FTP games.  (Free To Play)  I think that will be a good discussion.

     I'm going to continue by talking after that of 1 or 2 of the FTP games I've downloaded to my IPhone.

     Oh and definitely an entry or to on my first year with the IPhone.  

      But this morning?  Nothing.  Just a lot of words.  Every so often as I look at other blogs that have been abandoned I wonder.  So many of them get so because they've run out of space here.  I just may wrap up the first year or 2 on a flash drive and not move.  Not sure.  

     I know as I exercise my form of voyeurism here, I never go back to the beginning of the abandoned blogs.  Really sorry I never found that website of personal online entries again.  Had it bookmarked on the old computer.  Lot's of stuff there that was interesting, old, abandoned.

     Well that does it for today.  See if anything noteworthy happens.

-later  

How was your day?

     4 words I certainly didn't hear tonight.  What a night.  Work was a mess, I had to work offsite for most of it.  My manager is going on vacation for 2 days.  He deserves it too.  How many people would actually say the following.  "He doesn't get paid enough."  And trust me he is in the 40k area.

     It'll be a hard couple of days for this and that.  And why the posting will slow.  It does however mean overtime for me.  Any regular reader knows I live for that.

     Left after a 9 and half hour day.  I had to go food shopping a bit.  They wanted, Mountain Dew; Fritos; Bread; can of tuna; and chocolate doughnuts.  Every sense in me was tingling.  I broke down and bought 2 cigars.  

     An enjoyable ride.  Still pretty foggy. Oh the fog this morning was absolutely ridiculous.  Was thick as pea soup to be sure.  Made it to work tho.  Was surprised to see it bad again tonight.  So I rode and smoked a bit.

     Got to the supermarket.  Called the house to tell say I was at the market and did they have any ideas for dinner.  Brother in law told me we had it and didn't need to buy it.

     I had the audacity to try to tell him how to make it.  He got frustrated.  I was then glad I had half a cigar left.  It would be a night.  Got a call from my sister to pick up some eggs, I said sure.

     Once the smoke was finished I pulled into my driveway.  It was about 7.  Came home and you could feel the palpable tension.  They'd been fighting.  He'd cleared the sink of dishes.  Was very snappy, which is more like him in the latter part of drinking.  Only he wasn't drinking.  

     Greeted my sister who sat in a mood.  Was in a total bitch state.  Asked about dinner and she said no she wasn't hungry.  I said okay and went to make the tuna.  When done I was summoned to make make her a tuna melt.

     Brother in law had a small melt down as I tried to grasp the situation.  I would get it from my sister in a moment.  I was summoned, she couldn't deal, I had to go and buy her a pack of smokes.  To which I said no.

     Lot's of fighting, screaming and yelling between the two of them.  Over smokes.  Pathetic.  

     As of the conclusion of this little look into my night.  No one has yet to bother to ask me, "How was your day?"

-later

Bakery run cont'd

     I think I scowled a little.  Said something to the effect of I doubt it.  Asked if they had rolls and doughnuts.  I cheered up immensely when she said yes.

     The other customer on his way out asked why I asked that.  I told him about the other place.  Small world, he'd just been there.  That's what drove him here.

     Got the usual for the kiddies, couple rolls, couple doughnuts.  And then I saw the sign.  "Cronuts"  I'd actually seen them on the news.

     Essentially it is a croissant type doughnut, deep fried, frosted and has a filling.  I didn't see the cannoli filled one so I opted for the custard.

     The pastry itself, larger than my hand with all my fingers apart.  Felt heavy.  I will say that the dough was incredibly light, like a croissant.  I was expecting it to be a very heavy thing.  The frosting was nice, not granulated at all, like some cheap bakeries do with the frostings.  The custard....was very good.....in 6 months if it's still around I'll try the cannoli.

     I was amazed how light it was and filling, but not in the heavy sense.  In fact it took the place of breakfast for me.  Of the experience I will say that I could probably do without the frosting and filling.  I think this would make an excellent crouller.  

     I did enjoy it muchly.  Thankfully next Sunday my bakery will be back.  I shall have a hot cup of coffee with my chocolate danish heated for 11 seconds in the microwave.  Oh that will be delicious.

-later.
 

Bakery run.

      Morning, not much time at all.  Let's just jump in where I left you after rain.  The bakery run.  Dreaming of my chocolate danish.  Dressed, hit the door, asked brother in law for his half of bakery run, $6.

"Where are you going to go?  Remember the bakery is on vacation."  he said handing me his share and sitting down. 

     I was crest fallen.  Twice a year my bakery shuts down from Sunday to Monday.  Even they need a vacation.  I had mentioned this to both of them last week and promptly forgot.

     The question was valid.  The only other place close by was a pastry shop. Always wonder how it stays in business. I've gone in there a few times, usually when my place is closed.  The pastry shop has tells me, he has no rolls; no doughnuts; no danishes. Always boggles my mind.

     I know he can't be that busy.  Yes he has other stuff in the store.  But come on.  When the other bakery closes twice a year...wouldn't you just think.  Smart business would almost dictate you try to get new customers.  I was stopped in my tracks.  Clueless where to go.  I could trek all the way to another bakery we liked.  It was on the far side.  The most direct route contained no less than 9 all way stop signs.  The other was longer with plenty of lights.  That's when it happened.

     My brother in law.  He said....He said something sort of intelligent.
"What about the bakery where you guys got my birthday cake?"

     Sheer brilliance, straight run there.  Why not.  I thanked him and departed.  Day wasn't that chilly, but it was damp so I put the heat on full blast in my car.  I was there in about 15 minutes.  My heart sank a little.  The sign had the name and pastry shop underneath it.  Now this is technically my second time here.  A well known place.  But it did say pastry shop.  I trudged on in.

     1 other customer.  I was cheerily greeted and asked if they could help me.  

-terribly sorrry but this must be continued as I'm running out of morning and have to make lunch.

-t.b.c.

Rain.

     Morning.  A wee bit before I put on the coffee.  It's Sunday.  Been a not to terrible weekend.  Came home Friday and made my new obsession, pizza.

     I buy already prepared shells and just jazz it up.  Well I've also recently rediscovered my love for hot peppers.  My dad used to love them.  He'd do something to them in an old pickle jar and eat them right out of it.

     Sometimes I'd join him.  Always gave me the same warning.  "They burn both ways.  Going in and going out."  Still I ate them.

     Think it was last week, food shopping.  For some reason the jalapeno display caught my eye and I said why not.  Grabbed one and took it home with me.  Cut paper thin slices and put it on the pizza.  Wow.  Brought out some nice heat.  I loved it.

     Fridays had thicker slices with some sauteed mushrooms.  Ones I'd made some time during the week for burgers.  Was pretty good if I do say so.  And Saturday breakfast?  Remainder of pepper and mushroom, slice of cheese, on a nice whole wheat tortilla. Heated of course.  Let's see any of the fast food chains make me something so good.

     Was supposed to be warmer yesterday and all rainy.  The rain didn't really let it feel much warmer.  Just hung about til 11 and then went out.  Had to buy a few things.  Gray skies.  Little spritzes of drizzle here and there. So grabbed a cigar and headed for the water.  Punched, been using a punch later, lit, boom the skies open.  Hightailed it home and finished under the overhang.

     Other than that just a lazy sort of day.  I should of course cleaned.  Didn't.  Dinner?  Pizza.  No, just plain cheese.  Didn't want to over do it you know.

     I've already told them we are shopping for basics today.  Haven't got paid yet.  Took the last bit of money out of my account.  I've a whole $1.45 to my name right now.  We've $85 to shop.  We need $150.  I already explained I cannot afford another $300 on my credit card bill.  So we'll see what happens.

     Going to put on coffee.  Thinking on bakery run.  I've been good food wise this week.  Hit the gym all but 1 day.  Whole wheat buttered roll and a chocolate danish.  Which I always heat in the micro for 13 seconds.  Why 13?  Just because.

     Not even sure I'm going to the lounge today.  I've really lost my love of the place.  Partly the new owner.  Partly my disconnect with my friend there.  He's still annoyed about the ownership change too.  Still feeling the opposite of the big fish in a small pond as it were.  We'll see what happens.  Oh I should mention that I'm not even sure I can afford a cigar today anyway.  I could check.  

-later

The conversation.

     Welcome back for the much anticipated entry.  I've oft mentioned my crazy co-worker.  I try not to much because tidbits can actually make me look poorly.  She is essentially a great target for all fads.  All her news comes from Yahoo.  Can be a nice person, in her 50's.  And yes guys and gals, she's a SWF.

     What follows is the morning, the same of the dream.  It is a typical work morning.  The date is December 7.  I've been to the gym, in a good mood, sit at my desk and begin working.  

     I'm in a partitioned area of sorts.  Equipment and stuff.  To my immediate left is open.  3 tables in a U shape where the mail is processed.  This is where my co-worker will begin.  She enters.

"Morning," she quickly walks past continuing, "I have to go do my rounds.  Had a long weekend." coat is off she gets to her cart and moves out.

She returns already talking.
"It's getting brighter a minute a day now.  Did you notice?  It's because of Obama and the law he passed way back when."  

This sounds rational.  So I ease into the conversation, or should I say interrupt her monlogue.  Oh and I didn't forget any greetings upon her entrance.  She rarely asks about other people.

"Obama didn't have anything to do with day light savings"

"Yes he did, he passed a law long time ago."  she immediately retorts.  "He can do anything he wants.  He's the president of the world.  He can hit the button whenever he wants."

"The button?" I ask, seeing this is getting way off topic, I must try to get back on point.

"You didn't know that?" a trademark phrase of hers, "All the presidents had it.  When ever they want they can blow up the world and go to war."
 
I try to steer the train wreck, "The president cannot just declare war he needs congress."

"No he doesn't, he can do anything he wants."

"We've got a system of checks and balances you know.  And day light savings time has been in effect since World War 2."

"No it hasn't." she quickly retorts.  Try reading this really fast because that is how this goes.  "It's been around for hundreds of thousands of years."

"What!"

"Sundials, they were the first clocks.  What you didn't know that?"

"Daylight savings time was implemented in World War 2.  Not hundreds of thousands of years ago.", I think I'm getting there, she may be listening.

"No it wasn't.  I know all about World War 2.  My sister was born in 1945 when we bombed pearl harbor and won the war.", she's gleaming know proud in her ignorance.

I ponder for a moment.  Okay I've dealt with conspiracy minded people, this could be interesting.
"So you think we bombed our own country?"

"Pearl Harbor isn't part of the U.S.  We bombed it and won the war.  In 1945 when my sister was born"  should mention this is her older sister.  it comes up breifly but can't fit it in.

"World War 2?" I admit to a quick outburst

"No it wasn't World War 2, it was one of the wars.  I can't remember.  I just remember the date.  That's when it happened."

My head is swimming.  I indulge the need to try to set her straight.
"Pearl Harbor is part in Hawaii, one of the 50 states."

"No it isn't", she snaps quickly.  "It's off by Korea or China or something, I can't remember.  But we bombed it in 1945."

"Okay let's try this again.  Peal Harbor is part of the U.S.  It is in the state of Hawaii.  It was bombed in 1941 not 1945 and is how we entered World War 2.", foolishly thinking I've gotten the last word.

"Might've been 1941 but my sister was born in 1945." she is now doing the low muttering thing she does, "but we won the war whichever war it was, might've been the Korean War."

Just looking over at her I query, "Your not thinking we bombed Pearl Harbor to win the Korean War, are you?"

"Maybe.  It was one of those."

"Okay then."

"I know I'm right that's all I know.  I've read a lot about history so I know."

     This is the point where I get up and excuse myself.  Make a cup of tea and hit the loading dock.  She is still talking at me as I leave the room.

     This is what I deal with 5 days a week.  It is just a brief example.  I just thought you might enjoy it.

 -later
 

The dream

The dream.  For me when I dream it is often places that I know.  But they are all converging.  Literally one room can be the bathroom and then poof you are at work as you walk out the door.  Enough analogy and italics font.

     I was at work.  In fact it was the cubicle where I first had a temporary position in the building. My desk faced the window a good 30 feet away.  It was daytime.  The walls are blue, same as the carpet.  My current co-worker is now sitting opposite of me.  He didn't work for the company then.  We were having some sort of discussion.  I seem to think it was about us not communicating and such.  I said but we each have the others numbers on our cell phones.  And then he was gone.  I drifted off to sleep at my desk.  It was night and I was awake and still sitting when I heard some one say "Hello?"  Like walking into a room to see if anyone was there.I heard heels on a hard floor surface approaching.

      I was then home, in my bed.  Sleeping like I used to with my head to the head of the bed and facing the wall.  I awoke when someone poked me in my back.  I realized I was sinking into another deep sleep.  I struggled.  I have often had these things when I fall asleep.  I always fight them.  I cannot move.  I cannot make a sound.  I can only dispel it by moving or making a sound.  

     I tried crying out, moving a finger like a normally do.  Anything at all to break out of it.  Some how I was now on my back.  My head craning to the door.  Seemed to be a lot of Christmas lighting in the other room.  Finally I was able to yell and the spell was broken.  I tried to figure out where everyone was.
      
     I figured that mom was in her room, towards my feet.  My sister in the other room towards my head.  Then I corrected myself.  "No, mom is dead."  So it was my brother in law in her room and sister in the other.  "No, they are now in the same room.  Who is in the other room?"
     
     I heard my name and BANG.  I was now awake, not awake in the dream but here in reality.  I was sleeping as I do now, with my head to the foot of the bed.  I did it when mom was sick so I could hear her in the living room.  
     
     Is there meaning somewhere in there I don't know.  I don't have many dreams where I wake up in a dream.  I hope you enjoyed the tale.
     
Remember tomorrow is the tale of the co-worker.

Do not miss the next 2 entries.

     Title says it all.  I'll get to why in a moment.

      Been pretty busy.  Cooking every night.  They've been fighting pretty much every night.  So it's been tiring.  Truth is, if I had the money I'd go out tomorrow night.  But payday isn't here yet.  And what money I do have is for food shopping.  Okay that's the old business.

     I've chosen to break the next 2 items into two deserving entries.  The dream.  It occurred Wednesday morning.  I wrote it down upon waking.  Fairly interesting and fairly well detailed.  I think you will enjoy it.  And a whole lot more organized than the last dream entries.

     My much maligned co-worker.  I know I've provided you details and snippets.  This would occur on Wednesday at work.  It is such a bizarre conversation that it just may explain everything  I've ever said about her.  Stay tuned, you will not want to miss the next 2 entries.

-think Spring
-later

Just thinking and rambling.

     This is totally out of line with the timeline I want to create.  Or sought to create.  But just feels right.  Lot of thoughts passing through me just now.

     Part of one says start a new blog.  One of those fresh New Year ones.  Where I talk about stuff like health and money woes.  That part of me gets shouted down.  How boring.

     Went to the lounge today.  Was staying for a short time.  Fairly crowded.  No real good spot from which to watch the game.  My usual pal was there.  And that is where I stop.  Pal?

     I'd say more like nodding acquaintance. Just don't feel the connection or I'm just not following anymore.  Mind you the other 4 people were dominating the room with their discussion. 

     Sorry guess I leave this here and now.  Sister was feeling badly and bleeding.  The bleeding is from the cancer.  She's needing her nebulizer again.  Of course she's smoking.  She may be catching pneumonia again.  Oh sorry, the bleeding can also be from a bladder infection that comes and goes.  Aren't you glad you asked?

     Having lost the thread I could just delete this and you'd never know.  But let's see where it can go.  If anywhere at all.

     Just think that I'm being more done with my Sundays involving the lounge.  I know I need a second job.  And I suppose the imagined friendship is ending.  It's an odd thing.

     I've seen it coming for awhile.  I did belong.  Life happens, you loose routines and people just sort of forget.  That is not friendship.  I've a best friend who I can not talk to for a few months.  When we do talk it is like time has not passed at all.  That is the template, no matter how poorly fitting, I put there.

     It is definitely time for some changes in my life.  I'll drag you along as long as you'd like.  This week I'd like to come up with some short term goals.  Some personal, some public.  I want to attain them.

     I must also get back to the gym. Oh have I lost control of the exercising again. And I'd like to register for another 5K walk again.  Different winery this year.  That is a goal I can tell you about up front.

     This time I am going to raise money for it.  This time I am actually not going to put it all up myself, but ask people.  You know the sort of thing where it is $1 a mile.  But that would be something at least.  And then afterwards.  Hopefully not make a quick exit alone.  Stay a bit.  We shall see.  There a glimmer of something bright.

     Okay I think we'll get back to the time line again.  Work, fridge delivery, stuff in general.  Plus I've those other topics.  I take little notes here and there.  I've also got an entry in the draft status, need to do something with it.  Alright peace out.

-later

Moving right along.

     It's Sunday morn, about 6:13 A.M. in the dark ether that makes a long winters night.  I've just checked the other ideas for entries and decided to hold off on them.  Because this week has been a week.

     Nothing much to say about New Years Day.  We had Roast Pork.  Always have fresh pork for the new year.  I'd bought enough to freeze.  Well that was no longer an option so I cooked the whole thing, well both halves, I had it cut.  For once I cooked it at 375 instead of 400.  And it came out to be one of the best I ever made.  Shocking.

     They've been talking about this storm all week.  It was to hit Thursday midday.  Of course that changed.  Work was busy.  Had to make up for missing the stuff on Wed.  It was the first time I'd seen the lunatic, that co-worker that I've mentioned.  Oh she has a line later that is not to be believed.

     She was pleasant enough.  Made small talk, actually surprised me by remember something I'd said.  She'd caught a ride with someone and had to leave by 3.  More plotted than by coincidence I'm sure.  My other co-worker was back, good guy, in his 70's.  I'm certain I've mentioned him.

     At some point the lunatic put on the music on her computer.  Not a huge deal.  I mean the building was practically empty.  At one point I passed.  She told me she needed a tylenol.
 "There's Tylenol in the first aid kit.  Help yourself." I said not ready to be stopped in my tracks.
"Yeah I know.  The music I'm playing on the computer is giving me a toothache."
"The music is giving you a toothache", I responded.
"Yes." she said in all sincerity.  As to whether she attempted to elaborate I couldn't tell you.  I just continued into the other room.

     Okay had a little break.  Coffee is on its way.  Because of the storm forecast we were allowed an early departure.  For once I took it.  I got the hint from my manager that I did live the furthest away.

     Once home, brother in law was off, I found errands before the storm.  Picked his birthday cake up.  The bakery had asked that it be picked up a day early.  I also had find a replacement dinner.  The burgers did not hold up where I put them.  

     That white thing and the gas in super markets probably makes a difference.  If you remember I've started going to a local butcher.  Everything is fresh and such.  I do think the stuff from the supermarket would've been okay.  Thus the deli run.

     I was anxious to get it over with.  The storm was due to hit.  The dude that was at the deli the prior trip was there.  Said nothing, I said nothing to him.  I treated for dinner, that was a mistake.  I'm now out $40.

     The storm was pretty bad, we got about 6 inches.  I couldn't go to work and such.  Maybe we'll continue the story line a little tomorrow.  See how I feel.  But coffee is calling and then the bakery run.  It's a balmy 21 degrees out there.

-later
     

     

     

I shall finish the Welcome...

     Whether there is interest or not, I shall finish the drama.  Off I was to Sears.  I've a love hate relationship with them.  Used to love them, now they're just an old girlfriend.  One that brings back unpleasant and unwanted memories of emotions.

     Place was crowded.  I guessed the whole world wasn't planning their New Years Eve celebration.  Someone should tell that deli guy.  I went upstairs to the major appliances instead.  Remembering that I was looking for a top fridge, bottom freezer, with an icemaker.

     Saw mostly split door style ones.  Including split styles that had a freezer on the bottom.  All of these ranged from $1500 to upwards of $3200.  I was glad not to be looking at these.

     Found the 2 they had to matched my specs.  I'd taken a pic of the measurements from my fridge on my phone.  1 of them matched spot on.  It was a little wider than I wanted however.  But figured I could live.  It took me another 20 minutes to get a sales person.  Mind you if I was not desperate I wouldn't have waited around.  Eventually got attention, brought to model, price wasn't bad.  Out of stock and he had no idea when they would be back in.  

     I groaned, took his card and went to hit Lowes.  Found the fridges.  A lot of huge ones.  In fact the one that had my specs was about 2 inches wider and deeper and higher.  3 if you counted the handles.  Sears was about $834.  Here it was more like $950.  With plenty of the $1300 models abounding.  They were huge.  This was seriously not the store for me.  Now believe it or not this had taken me 3 hours.  The outlook was not good.   But I must endure.  Went to my least favorite of the P.C. Richards locations.

     It is dubbed that because it is difficult to get out of when there is traffic.  I entered, first I only saw ones that came with cabinetry.  It took me a good few minutes to see past the washers where the fridges were.  They had a nice selection.  I'm not sure about the prices of the double door ones, I believe they were comparable to the other 2 stores.

     Found what I needed.  There were 4.  2 were clearance items and I found 1 there.  It, however, was about an inch or so shorter in every dimension.  The salesman came along and we had a good location.  Told him my requirements and I needed one as soon as possible.  Well this one we could have on Saturday.  It was only in New Jersey.  I was a tad doubtfull, as you may know if you're on the East coast, we had a heck of a storm Thursday into Friday.  Told him I'd have to check and asked when he'd be there til.  I also told him to be sure it would be here by Saturday.  

     It's currently a bit past 7 in the A.M. Saturday morn.

     Went home. Spoke to my sister.  Even got a tape measure to show her the size difference.  We decided to go for it.  I also spoke to her about the warranty.  It would be about $200 for the 10 year which covers the compressor and ice maker.  The previous fridge stood for almost 16 years.  We'd had the ice maker go out on us 4-5 times.  Repair was around $145 a shot.  

     Upon my return the salesman, it was around 4, on the phone, waved me over.  He knew I'd be back.  We went over the details. Then he asked if I wanted a P.C. Richards card.  I said sure.  He told me that there's no interest for 9 months.  I retorted of course if I don't pay it off the interest will then be retroactive for 9 months.  That's a little detail most people don't realize. 

     Joy of joys I was approved.  I had made a joke about my dog being able to be approved.  He was a nice guy and we both knew the silliness of it.  But it was what it was.  He had to get the manager to affirm the 9 months.  Then they hit me with, for an additional purchase, say of batteries, I could get another 3 months.  since this brought my monthly payments down by $36 I said Hell yes.  And paid for them by cash.

     I'm thinking.  I may get my PlayStation there.  I mean. If there's no interest, I can pay that off in 3 or 4 months.  Just a thought. So that's where this tale ends up.  Had the storm yesterday.  Shoveled a good 5 inches of snow.  Had to make sure the people could get here today.

     There's more to tell somewhat related to this.  But that will wait for another day.  I may have enough material to have an entry a day for a week.

-later

From the depths of 2013 I spit at thee....OR

          Welcome 2014 cont'd.

     Neighbors.  That was a hope my sister was holding out for.  That they would know someone, who on the morn of New Years Eve would come and fix the fridge.

     I knew that wasn't happening so I didn't bother.  Made a few run around trips.  Coin store didn't open until 10.  I'd brought another cigar so decided to smoke it.  Long story short the coins were very disappointing in terms of sales.  Such is life.  Back to the house.

     Sister was much more calm.  Reiterated several times, "Freezer on bottom with an ice maker.  No double doors. Must have an ice maker."

     I said fine and began went to begin my search.  But then the discussion about what to do for lunch arose.  I shook my head.  I didn't take off from work to concern myself with this.  We decided on a Kosher Deli, best way to put it I guess.  They make wonderful food and she loves their corned beef sandwiches.   Even the brother in law enjoys a roast beef sandwich from there.

     Ordering from my car like I've done hundreds of times.  I mean it is literally just 7 miles away.

"I'd like to place an order."  I always say this.
"When do you need it?" the angry man asked.
"10 minutes.  I need a corned beef on rye" thinking the cashier was being a bit rude.
"Are you kidding!? bye bye." and he hung up

     Undaunted and undeterred I decided to go.  Maybe the individual was having a bad day.  I certainly didn't think the person would fill the order.  I got there and the place was chaotic.  They were preparing trays for New Years Eve parties.  So I could see how my order might be puny.  Stepping up to the counter I asked for my sandwich.

Tall dude, who seemed in charge, and I'd never before seen, glared at me.  Usual dude took care of the sandwich.
"That was you!?" the tall man said.
"Yeah, I do this all the time."  which was true.
"1 sandwhich!  Would you order a slice of pizza over the phone?!"
"Not only would I. I have."  Wished the guy who made my sandwich a Happy New Year.  turned my back and left.

     Idiot dude.  And what I said was the truth.  Okay it was usually 2 slices.  Chicken Marsala for my sister and Sicilian for  the brother in law.  I was also a good customer of the place.  And as I pointed out, it was never on a holiday when they were plating trays.  Still, what a rude person.

t.b.c.
no, I'm not joking.  but we do get to the fridge shopping next entry.

Welcome 2014 cont'd

     I was 1 week late in getting my blood tested.  Knew I'd hear about it from my Dr. if I let it go 2.  

     It was about 6 in the morning when I pulled up.  They were already opened.  Bonus.  I get my blood done so often that I have a 6 month standing order.  So it's always quick for me.  Breakfast was a necessity.

     A lot of thoughts and tensions were running through my head.  I needed food.  Now the penultimate place, that I love opened at 7.  I wasn't making that.  Plus as of late, the $18, that is with tip, breakfast just doesn't appeal.  Not a lot of options on the morn of the New Year.

     I ultimately went with a little place right near the train station.  I'd heard some amazing things.  Place was rather small.  It had the look and feel of a diner that had been downsized by 3/4's.  Seemed alright.  Ordered 2 pancakes.  The guy took care of me.  Had a voice that sounded like he gargled with borax.  There was someone else there, a friend or regular.  Not much interaction with me other than how were the pancakes.  They were okay.  I paid and left full.  

     My mind was racing now with a lot of thoughts.  How can I afford this?  They certainly can't.  What was I going to do?  Was this the final straw?  How much of an economic burden this was to me.  I'm barley left with any extra to pay bills and have fun.

     I'd grabbed a cigar with me on the way out.  I thought I might need it.  Parked near the same water I go to on Sundays in the summer time.  Lit up.  And just let the sunrise, the birds, and the tide calm me.

     It is not the most gorgeous place in the world.  But it does.  Look out onto a little bay or maybe cove.  Saw ducks and geese and seagulls.  I still don't know where the egrets winter.  And just watched the water.

     I fear the water a bit and love it at the same time.  Just concentrated and meditated.  Enjoying the smoke, had the radio off.  It began to dawn on me.  How this was just some other intangible unplanned for item.  And like the water, that ebbs and flows every 8 hours, I would endure.

     The sea, after all I'm not that far from the Atlantic Ocean.  It has it's squalls, storms, raging waves.  We've poked and prodded it.  We've sailed on it and under it.  Yet it continues as when it was first created.  And it began to make me think.

     This was just another hurdle.  And I could take it.  If necessary I would get a second job.  But this was not a crisis moment.  No reason for panic.  If the sea won't panic I wouldn't panic.  It was a very good visit.

     It was nearing 8:30 when I was done.  Realized I had to drop off insurance payments.  2 for the house and 1 for my car.  Off I went.  Feeling at ease with everything.  There was a bit more traffic than I'd anticipated.  No where near regular days though.  Think people were planning for the Evening.

     I got home.  Sister some what calmer.  Asked and demanded what were we going to do.  It was 8:45 at this point.  She said I should call the neighbors, how were we going to afford this.  And insisted that it be a fridge with an ice maker and a freezer on the bottom.  She would tell me about 7 times before I would even start looking.  I was in my element.  Crisis control.

     Told her I would call the repair service, who'd fixed the ice maker 3 times in the last 8 years.  I did and made contact.  She was right there.  I asked for today and they said they couldn't do it.  I knew as much.  Off phone she was insisting, "It has to be today.  Tell them it has to be Today!"  I knew it wasn't going to be.  So made the peremptory appointment for Thursday.  She was not pleased.

     Told her I was not calling the neighbors until I had a better grasp on situation.  She had a cry.  I tried best I could to tell her it would be alright.  It was getting tedious.  I went to get her something to drink and empty the fridge.  Oh what a loss of everything.  Don't forget I also go shopping on Sundays.  A total loss.  

     I also had an idea that I would hope might pan out.  I've some coins, hoped they'd be worth a few hundred dollars.  Worth a try.

t.b.c.
 

Welcome 2014, please be gentle.

     Morning.  Coffee and me here.  It is 2014.  Hope everyone had a happy and safe New Year.  I suppose there was more to tell from the previous week.  Got the microwave.  We are, however, going to start at about 3 A.M. New Years Eve Morning.

     I got up.  Felt good.  Money had been put into my account, much thanks to my employer.  I paid all the house bills.  As well as the rest of my personal bills.  I'd showered earlier.  Was at my computer when the brother in law wobbled by with his cup of coffee.  I decided on a cup of juice.  Was getting a blood test so had to be out the door early.  Lunch was together already.

     First thing to note was that there was a puddle in front of the fridge.  I threw a towel down and grabbed my juice out.  Didn't feel as cold as it should have.  Poured it, drank and opened the fridge again.  Nothing felt cold enough.  Or was it just me?

     Now it was not uncommon.  Very often the brother in law would leave freezer door ajar.  Or drop and leave ice cubes, for my sisters tea, on the floor and walk away.  But it was the lack of noise.  The sound of silence.  Upon reopening I listened for the compressor, the sound of air,  N-O-S-O-U-N-D.  

     I waited for the brother in law.  His shower finished he sat in the living room and put the television on.  I called him over and asked him to check the fridge for me.  Befuddlement arose as he opened the door and asked what he was looking for.

     I asked him if he thought it was on.  After a few moments, he checked the freezer and confirmed the worst.  His first words, 
"Should I wake _ up and tell her?"  I said no.

     I was now realizing how alone I was.  He had the look of a scared child.  Looking for the nearest grown up to make it right.  Unfortunately for me....that was ME.

     After a little bit.  Well he couldn't take off work because he wouldn't get paid for the holiday.  Technically my company can do the same to me.  I quickly got a tub and we saved what we could right away.  Thank goodness the weather is in the 20's, the cold right now is our best friend.

     At some point my sister had called for him.  He probably scurried off like a rat.  I was putting stuff outside, saw he was gone, and went into their room.  Yup he managed to babble it all out to a sleepy sister.  I laughed and he went to get her some raisin bread.

     She bleated what are we going to do.  Actually teared up a bit.  How are we going to afford this?  I already knew there was no we here.  There were 2 adult children.  The brother in law came in with the bread.  Just in case he hadn't stated the importance, he said again he couldn't stay home. A real rock.  In the end I'm glad he didn't.

     My sister was wailing a bit, panicky like, brother in law standing there.  I told them both what we were going to do.  He'd go to work.  I'd go and get my blood test,
Cut off there came a loud teary, "What are we going to do!?"

     I looked straight at her and said, nothing is going to get done at 5:15 in the morning.  Blood test, breakfast, let manager know, then shopping.

     I think this is a good place to stop. 

t.b.c.