Feeling Raw

     For some reason tonight I feel raw.  What does that mean.  I miss some friends I have never actually met.  What?  People I met online is what I am talking about.

     When I got my first computer I hit a chat room. This would be my very first time in a chat room.  I didn't know what to expect.  It was either 1999 or 2000, I cannot remember the year exactly anymore.  Now 14 years later, I am missing them.

     Susan or Se.  My very first friend on line.  A woman who lives? in Illinois.  Nice polite, always helpful and cheery.  It is the search of her that causes me to write.  Oh the trials and tribulations of online friendships. I've had many.

     Sty was also one, she was a hair dresser in the Carolina's.  There were others, these are the most notable.  Eventually 7 would come along.  Had the longest contact with him.

     We'd chat on yahoo messenger and such all 4 of us.  Great times.  Part of me still misses them.  They were there to help support me and I them.  And now it's been nothing.  Sty, lost her long ago and truth is wasn't a terrible thing.  By lost I mean lost as in contact.

     Se.  I fear she may be no longer.  That saddens me in a place that I cannot quite comprehend.  And to further it she may be fine.  She was always flaky.  I remember one of the last phone calls we had.  Was 4 or 5 years ago.  I called her while on vacation.  Moody person wasn't in the mood to talk.

     Occasional emails.  Then my open heart surgery.  I've bored you with this before.  She was one of the people I sent a personal email to.  The response I got was shattering.  Essentially she needed to get a new email address and would be in contact. It would be a full year later until I heard from her again.  I was annoyed and let her know.

     A few emails, we seemed to be mending the friendship.  Then nothing.  It's been 2 years.  She was in very bad health.  Think 8-10 years my senior.  I found her on Facebook but never befriended her.  Mostly because, well Facebook didn't hold any charm for me.  Especially with constant monitoring from my sister.  There I said it.  Or wrote it.

     My friend's last post was March 2013.  I've sent emails.  Somewhere I have a new number she gave me.  I'm thinking of calling tomorrow.  What will I say.