I think...

     I think this is the point where so many bloggers disappear.  Take long breaks or just abandon the blog.  Why not me?

     Mostly because I think it is therapeutic. Pure, plain, and simple.  That is why I do it.  The heart surgery blog was to exorcise  the memories and leave it so others could see and I could have a record of them.  You know how time diminishes these things.

     This blog?  Just seem to enjoy it.  So it continues.  I cannot say I have ever really come in and re-read anything.  So it continues and there will be breaks.

     The blog has no followers, so how do all these people keep finding it?  I've 2 comments from a few years ago, and even that person left.  So yeah I pretty much do this for me.

     It is a gray Saturday morning.  Have my coffee of course.  Although I must go buy more.  It is looking to be a long weekend, without incident.  

     Money will be getting extremely tight for us.  I'll be in charge of that portion of the ship.  So it will be fun.  No vacations as I had planned.  If anything more Dr. visits for my sister.  So I'll need to be available.

     Had a talk to them last evening.  Told them a lot more would be required of them.  Also had a private talk with the brother in law.  Told him to keep how he felt on Thursday.  Spend more time with her, loose temper less, every day from here should be considered a gift for them.

     Had a talk to my sister. I'm hoping she maintains her drive and maybe this is the time she changes here life.

     That's it for now.  So the adventures maybe less, I'm unsure.  The entries odder, that could be fun.  But I don't think I'm leaving you all.  Unless of course I loose the house instantly and have no place to blog.

Later.

A post I wouldn't read.

     Basically the vacation has culminated in my sisters hospitalization.  I really can't even remember most of yesterday morning,  Almost would be hard to fathom that I would even be emotional.  I take nothing I've said back, but behind the words, my actions always, conveyed love and support.  Really?  I'm tearing up this is pathetic beyond belief.

     She's in the hospital, I'm going to see her today.  Basically there is a lot of bleeding from somewhere.  Her cervix does need to be removed.  And one of the Dr.s said it was cancer, although the story there is species at best.

     Throw in the bullshit that occurred with her job, I'll just say she's retiring.  If she dies I will let you all know, probably, no promises.

     Brother in law is a wreck, I'm a bit better. That's the stupid part.  I should be fine because nothing is definitive yet  I tend to think it is because of what happened at her job that breaks me up.  A person fighting for their life does not need that stress. 

     So this Dr., who is part of a team that was recommended by the hospital said there is no hope and we should plan for hospice.  We're going to eventually try John's Hopkins in the city.  A veritable panoply of crap awaits.

     My main issue is keeping it together. 

     So if we don't return to our normally scheduled broadcast you now have a reason.  Thanks for listening.  Read this half aloud to hear my voice and work out the emotion.  ugh. 

Later.

Tuesday's continuation and end.

     So stuck now at home.  I puttered around and cleaned out the sink.  A joyous task.  I'd made mind up, if I was now cooking we'd be eating my way.

     Sunday I'd made a grand pork roast.  Instead of the usual protein and starch I switched it up.  I prepared some fresh broccoli.  My sister had been staying away from veggies for some time.  Had bad effects on her since chemo and radiation.  Bowels in an uproar of sorts.  Now since she was home, I decided to give no choice and force veggies back unto them.  My brother in law eats very little veggie matter, but he's not the one needing the help.

     Given the turmoil of Monday and the sink still full of dishes we did pasta.  Usually it's serve a big plate with bread.  But not that night.  Side dish of pasta, some bread, and a very nice bagged salad with some cherry tomatoes to boot.

     Tuesday.  Okay I was going with burgers.  Lately it's been burger with some sort of fries.  Well not this night.  Did the usual fried mushrooms and served some outrageous asparagus with them.  Big hit.  Brother in law had even come out to tell me she was going to pass on the salad.  Ha!

     Really feel as if something is being forgotten but what the Hell.

     Went to my spot by the water and had an evening smoke.  Thus ended Tuesday with a whimper.

Wednesday will follow.

Later.

    

Part 1 Anger and Tuesday.

     Coffee and me sitting here on what promises to be a grand Wednesday, weather wise that is.  My head is definitely clearer.  Got some better sleep.  Not much else has changed.

     Yesterday was a total day awash in a study of anger for me.  I was very angry.  Anger and I have had an on and off again relationship for as long as I can remember.  

     My personal struggles with it have been long.  It is a very destructive force.  The epitome  of a good chunk of my life.  I'm not here to defend it.  Just to say that I did realize it and have made strides.  It is a very, very, seductive thing that when left unchecked can be out and out dangerous.

     For me it is verbal, I'm not the physical type.  But when roused I can rip a person to shreds.  I believe my whole philosophy in my youth was to hurt them before they could ever hurt me.  Yeah I'm sure I was a pleasure to be around.  Couple that with a drinking problem and what a combination.  

    I'm not entirely sure there was just 1 turning point, a time where I saw the light.  Life is a journey.  I think I just tired of that.  Tired of being angry all the time.  I also thought of the innocents.  See those are the ones that I remember the most.  The people that may have stopped to try to help and I lashed out.

     I'm not trying to do a whole lesson on this.  In time I worked on it.  Little things.  It is a work in progress.  One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given I shall pass on here.  IF IT ISN'T A SENTENCE DON'T SAY IT.

     Sarcasm makes for good comedy in the entertainment industry.  In life it can be quite cutting.  I rarely jump into a conversation.  And I am always checking my statements before I say them.  Think about it.

     Point is even as far as I've come, I am still prone to fits.  Sometimes unrecognizable to me.  They are all internal, a great deal of energy to be harnessed, nevertheless the feelings still exist.

     So yesterday huh, still here.  Okay lets roll.

     After the blog entry I actually finished my coffee and went back to bed.  Heard  the breakfast run and dozed off.  It was round 9 when I awoke refreshed.  Got up and milled about.  Decided to do some light shopping on the gray day.

     Was dressed by 9:10 and wished my sister a good morning.  She asked me where I was going?  I stopped.  Thought to myself, "really? what the blankety blank."  I just replied out.  No worse feeling than being accountable for your where abouts on your vacation.

     Grabbed me a bagel and went to the store.  Not bad really.  I had a $35 store credit walking in.  Got 1 pair of pants, 2 shirts, 5 socks, came to just under $73.  So in total I spent $38, I'll take it.

     For whatever reason, as I was somewhat close to the lounge I did a drive by.  It was 11:30 at this point.  Saw no vehicles I recognized and drove on.  Think I wound up back home about 1.

     There were a few things I still wanted to get done.  Laundry, I mean why not, I can start off next week fresh and I had new stuff to wash.  Start, begin, or at least get 1 bag of trash from the old car in my driveway.  Yes you heard me.  1 bag.  

     I make no excuses for how I was.  I do loathe the idea of having to clean it out.  And I'm sure it smells like Hell.  And yes I'm far from done.  Little stupid things in there.  Things I've forgotten.  2 jackets which will immediately be taken to the cleaners, or is it 3?  Not a task for the weak at heart.

     Upon arrival I was summoned.  I questioned as to whether she'd left the room.  She claimed she had and I doubted her.  I reminded her about having to move.  She's prone to pneumonia.  She's been hospitalized with it twice before.

     Asked me what I did for lunch, had pizza, she looked disappointed.  At this juncture I knew that she thought I should have thought about my poor sister stuck at home.  Her words she's used before.  Asked if I could make her lunch.  Told her I was busy and she should make it herself.  Claimed a wicked headache.  I've been down this road before.

-Sorry but this post has been long enough I'll post part 2 later.  Breakfast calls.

Later.

Which way from here? A very throw it at the wall and see what sticks entry.

     Really do wish I knew the answer to my title.  Other working title would be Vacations suck.  I'm here more for sanity at this moment.  Sleepless night for me.  A lot of bullshit coming down the pike.

     My sister will not be working for at least a month, if not loose her job altogether in the end.  She makes the most money in this place I am interred.

     Brother in law.  He is a burden that has been put around my neck and worked round to the spot in between my shoulders that I can not reach.

     I'm trying to make the best out of this.  Even politely sat down last night and with my sister told him he needed to speak to his family.  He has a trust fund.  He is not allowed to have much.  Not allowed to know how much there is.  He is not allowed to speak of it.  

     He quickly shouted down his usual that he will...he will... he will.  The last time I mentioned we would need help was 2 some odd years ago when sister first got cancer and I was just out of hospital.  His response was similar.  As well as realizing he could drink a six pack of bud light a night.

     He also said he'd get a second job.  This I would like to see.  Does he really thing it would be that easy?  

     I'm just rambling at this point.  Been wrestling with my anger all night long. So now I shall have company here for me daily on my vacation.  Not a moments peace.  Being accountable.  I'd mentioned going out East for myself.  Guess who wants to go.  Really?

     And yes, I'll take her along.  Feeling badly and hoping to cheer her up.  Oh I'm sure there's a word for it.

     In the meantime, to get by for a little.  I'll see what I can personally sell off.  The only thing I am guaranteeing is that I will not bankrupt myself for them yet again.  I need to keep some self preservation for me.

     Thanks for listening.  Let me give you a brief description of yesterday.

     Gray dreary day, early phone call for sister to not come into office.  Off I go, shopping, and truth be told I wanted to hit the cigar lounge.

     The dude who I know during the week now, is a pal I haven't seen in awhile.  Also there is something else.  There was some kind of show and on Friday he essentially left a large humidor with about $1,000 worth of cigars in his trunk.  They found out on Sunday.  They're hoping to be able to resurrect them.  Cigars can be forgiving.  So there's that too.

     There wasn't much else about yesterday.  Staunching the bad news.  Waiting on brother in law to come home, get angry, start drinking.

     I mean seriously, dude your wife just got really terribly mistreated, spend some fucking time with her.  The irony I feel as well is this.  If they hadn't gotten married, extended this house a little.  I actually could have kept it.  It was paid for.  No home equity over my head.  Yeah I'm rambling.

     So today I'm unclear on what I'm doing.  Morning showers I'm told by the weather dude.  Partly cloudy.  Staying home will be Hell.  A lot of get me this and that and crap.  Okay I really just need to get a grip on myself.  But am feeling better.  Perhaps there is something to just blogging.

     A very throw it at the wall and see what sticks entry.  NOW THAT IS A TITLE. Copied and pasted.

     In the end it will all work out one way or another.  Not quite so terrible.  I always say some strife is good for change.  Who knows maybe this will be the kick in the ass my sister needs. Who knows?  
     
     Today?  Well today I definitely want  to do some clothes shopping.  Maybe some yard work.  Clean out the old car, yes it is still in my driveway.  Need to clean up in house too.  Thank goodness I can keep busy.  And I think I may know why I couldn't sleep but that I'll keep to myself for right now.

Later.
     

Gray Monday Vacay Day

     One of my favorite blogs seems to be leaving.  70 child.  So I sent my thanks and good wishes.  Of course I messed it up considerably.  Had that comment verification enabled, so each time I entered it I just noticed it didn't say sent.  Long story shortened, I sent the message like 10 times until I saw the message was on the top.  Oh well. 

     Of course my coffee is good. You're joining me at about the 3rd and final cup mark.  So this week I'm off.  Looks like scattered showers until Thursday.  Technically fine with me.  What is on the agenda today.

Coffee.  Check.

     That's about it at the moment.  Oh and I do want to visit my pal at the cigar shop, just to say hello.  Think it will be my only sojourn there this week.  I actually stopped there Saturday, and of course Sunday as well.  Hoping to catch up with another friend who is a regular there.  Enough about that plop.

     Summer is ending, sad.  Although I may have cracked the code slightly.  We all wonder how we loose the time when so young and how it goes so fast.  For me I think I find it goes about pay periods.  Seriously hear me out.

     Younger me did chores for a once a week allowance.  Having only me to spend it on.  Being outdoors all day and a lot of the evening.  Glorious.  There are moments when I can still catch certain colors of the Summer sky and trees, I pause.  It takes me back.  I kid you not, one dusk reminded me so much of my youth I saw a vision of my former best friend from childhood.  I knew she wasn't there.  I let the image just sit, I enjoyed it.  Auburn hair, yellow dress, killer smile.  MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER PEEPS!  Talking about when kids were kids here.  She stayed next door, I remember running across dew soaked lawns with her.  Anyway...

     As we get older and more distracted time starts to shrink.  Not so much perceptibly, at least to me.  My point is now as an adult. I get paid every 2 weeks.  So Summer is generally 6 paychecks.  Damn I lost my rhythm, I'd apologize but we did that already about something else.  Okay let me focus....sip aging coffee.

     Poured out aged cold coffee; rinsed mug; shut both kitchen lamps brother in law left on as an offering to the electric company.  Sunday passed well enough.  Lounge was good.  Brother in law, although drunk, managed to get the pork roast and potatoes into the oven.  Came out nice too.  Cigar by the water with live music across the lawn.  Was some sort of rock-a-billy stuff.  Actually a little disappointing.  But I did have my IPod with me so listened to some pod-casts.

     Today.  Wish I could tell me, let alone you, what is planned.  Gray weather has thrown me for a loop.  To expensive a week to travel, I am thinking of next week.  I'm also considering a considerably cheaper, not so much closer, overnight this week.  More to come on that when it gels in my head.  Weill there is always cleaning, I've always got that to do.  Wondering if sister will go to work this week.  Ugh.  Anyway.

     So I simply am at a loss of what I am doing.  The only planned thing is not to waste money.  Burn on my hand is healing.  Glad it happened when it did, I can ensure the maximum of cleanliness for it.  Bandage it when I go out, when I'm home and not doing much I let it breathe, and yes I bandage it whilst I sleep. I'm a tosser and turner.

     Okay so that's it for now.  Going to try for an entry a day if I'm not away.  Oh read this part last if you like because I've just been inspired to say something else.

     This week or weekend I watched on YouTube, 'I forgot my phone'  which I feel really highlights how invasive technology has become in our lives.  Yes I'm fond of my phone.  Yes I check it every so often.  No, never in the middle of a conversation.  We really are lurching towards a Bradbury future.

     Okay you may not know the story, quick synopsis.  Was about a man who went for a walk in the evening, no one else is seen out..  Robot cops detain him.  Ask why is he outside.  Is his entertainment center broken, his computer.  Obviously the story is a bit ahead of his time, but the point is he is arrested and sent away because of it.  Look it up or something.  I must go.  Do a few emails, then going out, even if it is only to play in the rain.

Later.

     Sunday.  Coffee.  Big assed font.  Have about 20 min before the old bakery run.  Ought to be able to string some letters into words into sentences.  The coherence of the sentences I leave to the wind.

     Yesterday was pleasant.  First day of vacation, cannot remember if I mentioned I took the next week off from work.  Some stuff may still come up that I will have to deal with.

     Have a gnarly burn on my hand from the broiler, happened Thursday.  Just is in a very inconvenient spot all together.   Neither here or there.

     I will plan some day trips.  Unfortunately it is far to expensive to do any real traveling this week.  What with it being Labor day weekend and all.  Must stay away from shopping centers next weekend.  At all costs.  They will be crammed with the jelly of bargain hunters. 

     Yesterday passed pleasantly enough.  I didn't get around to leaving the house until 10:40 or something.  Late for me.  

     Sorry, thread got lost inside me.  Had an internal tirade.  You see I did manage to speak to brother in law about the house money.  He was surprised he didn't make up the missing $100.  Told him not to worry about that.  But he cannot miss this deposit.  Of course I checked.  Of course he did not.  Doesn't tell me.  Just waits like a child hoping I won't notice.  Anyway, just thought about it a moment and was lost in anger.  It has passed now.

    So the bakery run will be made.  I look forward to a chocolate danish on Sundays.  It's maybe as long as the distance between the and quote button on your key board.  Make you look?  Well then I pour another cup of gorgeous coffee.  I heat the danish in the microwave for about 15 seconds and it is heavenly.

     Food shopping will commence as per usual.  Then the lounge for me.  Sister will remain in bedroom all day.  He will drink himself silly, pass out, wake up and eat, drink again.   Okay, okay, enough about them.

     Tomorrow, I am unsure what it holds.  Let's find out then okay.

Later

Vapid and Empty

     As the title suggests, I'm not at my best.  I'm not entirely sure why.  Well  physically, at the moment, I've a headache and a tad sleepy.  The head I think is from the air conditioning and the sleepy part I just don't know.  Maybe to much sleep.

     So it is Saturday.  What to do with myself that is the question.  Whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer working around the house; of people that care not.  Or to leap into my car and drive aimlessly around waiting for an idea.  Okay the Shakespeare  moment has passed.

     So what's going on with me?  Well for 1 I think I may be a little burned out from work.  This past week really called on me to do a whole lot.  Had one person on vacation.  1 person called out  on Thursday.  Then 1 more person left on vacation Friday and the person who was out on Thursday came in about 2.  

     On the home front.  Well it was a 3 day weekend for the inmates.  Sister got some news that may not be good.  It is possible, need to get some tests done, that her cancer is trying to come back.  She has to make calls on Monday.  I'm already taking her to a Dr. appointment sometime next week.  I'm just wondering if it will now be a week of that.

     Oh, I'm also on vacation this week.  Can you not just read the enthusiasm.  It will mostly be a stay vacation.  I've some little trips planned.  Local stuff.  Seeing an old friend I've not seen in awhile.  Maybe 2, I must remember to email when I'm done here.

     The most critical is tomorrow.  I'm half hoping not to be able to do it.  But there are 2 places withing 5 hours I could spend an overnight.

     Both are roughly the same amount of money.  1 has meals included, which brings the second up to the same price.  One is in a seaside town.  The other is in the mountains.  I don't know why I'm hesitating.  Maybe concern about my sister on Monday?  

     Well thanks for visiting, if you did.  I'm feeling a little more alive.  Must send the emails.  Breakfast is calling me.  The deli run is in effect.  I've half a bagel calling my name.  Have some pico de gallo, not sure of the spelling.  It's chopped tomatoes, onions, cilantro, not wet like a salsa.  Anyway, some cheese melted over the bagel, add that and top with the P.D.G. and a bit of yogurt.  Okay I'm in and am hungry now.  Thanks.

Later.

Loose ends

     Morning.  Ugh still feeling under the weather.  Shortly after I cleaned up about the New York post on Friday I succumbed and went to bed.  I'd been feeling off since Thursday.  I still want to blame a poorly cooked meat sauce my sister made.  But that may have just been a contributing factor.  Dietary standards this past week sucked.

     About my sister.  What I didn't mention about the last week train ride home.  Was that I was phoned in the middle of it by brother in law.  Apparently sister was in so much pain they went to the E.R.  Bad bladder infection.  So food shopping was all on me, including dinner.

     Long story shortened, they wanted to keep her for some intravenous antibiotics, but she didn't want to because of a reason.  The one she told me was that she just didn't have the time to take off from work.  Fast forward to yesterday, they went to G.P.  Well now she is in the hospital again, and she did take 2 days off last week.  Oh the drama.  

     Okay back to me.  Been feeling off, weary even, since that Thursday night.  Even had Montezuma's revenge, which was unusual for me.  Since I had work I took an Imodium tablet. 

     Saturday rolled around.  I woke up feeling utterly like crap.  Sister made a fuss about it.  I was weak and weary and a little nauseous.  Montezuma came back, and I let it ride.  Got the news about her having to go to hospital.  Could tell that she was unhappy that I wasn't feeling well enough to sympathize.

     Somewhere about evening I felt better.  Even got some food down.  Knew the body needed nutrition.  There was some flack and yelling over the phone at me.  Apparently the hospital dinner was hideous, sister wanted me to come with a burger.  I wasn't up for it.  She felt it was to much for brother in law to do.  This hospital is like less than 10 miles away I think.  And that might be round trip.

     Anyway so today is sort of a washout for me.  I'm going food shopping shortly.  No cigar lounge today, 2 weeks in a row, hope they'll survive.  Have to empty dishwasher, promised to make a meatloaf so my sister can have a decent dinner tonight.  And yard work.

     The only definite with be the smoke by the water tonight.  If I can get that I'll be happy.  There was some other stuff but I decided to pass on it.  

Later.

The continuation of NYC and the free concert

     As I said it was a gorgeous day, we made our way to the subway.  I was pleased at how well I was walking, no stopping, still not as fast as my cousin.  He's a good foot taller than me and been a city child all his life.  They walk very fast.
  
     It was going to be a long ride so we got seats.  After about 6 stops the train got crowded.  It was all I could do to not offer a young lady my seat.  6 stops or so later we departed, back into the sunshine.  We were in the upper west side.

     The show we wanted wasn't due to start lining up for 40 minutes. We saw another outdoor act, sorry I don't recall the names of any of them.  Was a nice group, woman singer.  After awhile we made our way to the place where the free show line up was.  There were allready people there.  We decided I'd stay on line to grab seats and my cousin would round up some grub.

     It took about 10 minutes for the people around me to warm up and were were in deep chatting.  Was fun.  They let us in about 10 minutes early.  Was kind of neat, someone decided to jump in as we went in and the dude at the gate told him no.  Saying to the effect he wasn't getting in until after the people who waited got their seats.  I want to say there were several hundred chairs set up. 

     Got a good choice of seats.  I grabbed 2 middle seats 2 rows back. When my cousin arrived he didn't like them, he preferred aisle seats.  Wound up about 6 rows back from the stage and closer to the bathrooms.

      Food was unveiled.  He got us 2 water bottles; 2 Snapple's;  and a couple of Southern Barbequed sandwiches.  Quite good.  The first act was awesome.  Of course one of the candidates for mayor opened and said some stuff.  

     They had a guitarist who's played with a lot of people including Elvis.  The second act.  Ugh.  Not really my cup of tea at all.  After every song the singer would introduce a member.  So I was hopefull.  I thought as soon as he got to them all they'd leave and go away. No such luck.  My cousin got the first and third round of beers, the spoiled man got the second.  Nothing special but it was nice to be outdoors, listening to music and have a few beers with good company.

     Nick Lowe came on, I really wasn't that familiar with him.  He was good, not great.  A band behind him would have been awesome.  Considering who he followed it was a stellar performance.

     We were already set to leave when he did his encore.  We were in the back of the place.  Made our way to the subway.  Long story shortened we had to go up to 72nd street to get the train for back down town.

     I did not enjoy walking the upper west side.  A very safe place.  Just was so out of sorts, I only wanted to get to the subway.  To me it feels like it could empty of people very early.  Mind you it was only 9 something on a Saturday night.  I made my concerns known.  When my cousin suggested he wanted a snack, something sweet, I was not to pleased.

     Just near the subway entrance, diagonal and across the street we saw a  place called Pinkberry. It's a yogurt place that does all sorts of different stuff.  Okay I was intrigued.

     There was a line.  Out front a homless person slept and no one bothered to mind them.   I was still in mind to just get a snack and move out immediately.  I was very intrigued by a yogurt advertised with cucumber and mint.  I love mint.  Cucumbers can be refreshing.  Well the person taking the order was a tad confused.  By the time my cousin paid I went outside to wait, feeling better.  The streets were far from deserted.

     My cousin came out with 2 cups, he bought.  Like I said, I was a spoiled man who wouldn't have to pay for anything but a couple of beers at the concert.  He said there was confusion and what we wanted was somehow unavailable.  He got us something that was more savory.

     I enjoyed it.  It was actually yogurt with cherry tomatoes and I think a little balsamic vinegar.  It was quite delicious.  My cousin enjoyed it but wasn't what he wanted.  The subway ride home went quick enough and without incident.

     It was after 11, we were both going to crash with the idea of getting up by 7.  Which was fine for me because I had to be home to do some grocery shopping.  I listened to a pod cast from my IPhone, it was Tell Them Steve Dave, fell asleep blissfully on the futon.

     Got up about 6ish.  Pawed through the early edition of the New York Times we'd bought on the walk back to the apartment.

     When he go up about 7:30 it was breakfast time.  Good coffee, he's using a K cup machine now.  Made some very nice pancakes and they were delicious.

     I walked back to the subway and caught my train and listed to more of the same podcasts the whole ride home.

     Overall it was a very nice, relaxing and enjoyable visit.

New York City cont'd

     The day itself was simply gorgeous.  A light breeze, scattered clouds, sun.  The subway ride would take about 30 min.  Bought a metro card, found they now charge an extra $1 if you don't have a card to recharge.  

     We actually got a couple of seats and talked on the way up.  We wanted seats that were pretty close to the stage.  I wanted seats that didn't bake in the sun.  We were going to hold an extra seat or 2 as long as we could.  This strategy had worked last time.  Well for him mostly, as a young lady happened to sit next to him.  They chatted on email for awhile then nothing.

     

NYC ho!

     Now before I left and even before I went to the bank.  I'd emptied the dishwasher and washed everything in the sink.  They'd have 2 days, so I said what the heck.

     I was morose on the train ride in, my mood was bothered.  For one I was nervous about taking the I Phone into the city. Just my usual self doubting crap.  I listened to my pod casts.  I downloaded a whole bunch.  I arrived in Penn station without incident and headed for the subway down town.  I actually got on the wrong platform, cussed myself and backtracked.  Subway arrived and I was on my way.

     Got out at the stop and ascended into the city above.  It was a wonderful 80 degree day, some clouds in the sky, I made my way down the street.  After a good 4 blocks my mood had worsened.  I decided to sit my ass down and have a chat with myself.

     I thought..."I could just call and say something came up and take the train home.  No one would be the wiser."  I didn't want to be here I thought.  I blasted myself.  Calling me a spoiled brat even.

     I mean here I was in New York City.  A place I loved and had visited since Times Square was still the Times Square of the movie Taxi Driver.  I further admonished and chastised myself.  Who was I?  Who wouldn't want a nice weekend in the city.  Room and board.  Literally just a pure weekend of fun, conversation and a little beer.

    Money?  Well the train ride and subway fare cost me over $30, that would be the extent of my expenses.  If I was lucky my cousin would allow me to buy 1 or maybe 2 rounds of beer.  The concert was free and open to the public.

     I laughed openly at myself and it seemed to clear the mood.  Called my cousin and told him I was 2 blocks away.  He said the front desk would let me through.

     He is on a affordable housing plan.  The place he is in is just gorgeous.  On the water.  It was a 20 year lease, he has 13 to go.  He can't stay there so is already applying for other places. 

     I arrived, it was about 2 in the afternoon, he was finishing his ironing.  After pleasantries were exchanged he said he'd already eaten and put out some food.  A nice bit of anti pasto (if that is how it is spelled); chips and salsa.  I was hungry.

     We would be heading to Lincoln Center for the outdoor concerts.  We'd been there last about 4 or 5 years ago.  We got there way to early in the day.  Arlo Guthrie was singing.  Blazing hot day.  We shielded ourselves in our seats from the sun for 4 hours until the show started.  It was fun.

     This was slightly different.  Firstly the show didn't start seating until 5:30.  And it wasn't a blazing hot day.

     After I filled my belly and we chatted we prepared to leave.  And you know what that means.
To be continued...
Later

Set up for my NYC stay.

     Well it's late for coffee so we'll just go on what we have.  I had a very pleasant weekend.  I may break this post into a few parts just for giggles.  That and well I do like details.

     I broke the news late in the week to the inmates that I was going for an overnight into NYC.  Didn't go over terrifically well with my sister.  She rather likes to have me around the house.  Not something I love to do.  Brother in law took it well.

     My sister has good intentions but no actions.  It was about 4 or 5 years ago when I mentioned I'd planned on a trip to Maine.  It was to a town we'd taken a family trip to back in the 70's.  Her response was she'd hope to go as a family, when she was in shape.  So I put it off for a year.

     Doing so I also said I'd be glad to  help with exercise and food plans.  None of this came to fruition.  Now I should also mention that particular year was a wash out literally.  I'd chosen far to late into the season, just after the 4th of July week.  The town was booked.  I didn't see the need to mention that.  I did think she was serious.  Well the year passed, I made reservations and told her.  She made the same comment again.  Seriously.  I mentioned that I gave it a year and I deserved a vacation and went.  That is the kind of stuff I put up with.

     I was going into the city to see my cousin.  He found a nice free concert and was going to be a good time.  My sister advised me not to take my phone with me.  

     Saturday morning broke and I had a noon train.  So it was off to the bank for food money for the house.  There had been  discussion about the food shopping. "What time would I be back?  It's a lot to do for one person?  They'd wait til I got home."

     I bit my tongue hard and said fine.  Mind you my brother in law did it for a month or so while my heart was failing.  And before that.  I would take my mom.  She had cancer and loved food shopping.  It was her favorite thing she had left.  Ever push a wheel chair and a cart?  Not that easy or difficult.  No one helped me.  Anyway.

     I was going to walk to the train station.  My sister was delighted I'd be here for when they got back from her cat scan dye test.  She's got a bladder infection.  She instructed my brother in law he would be driving me to the train station.  Called me into the room.  It was surreal.  She doesn't like that I get to do stuff.  But held back from telling me not to go.  Gee thanks.

     I just told my brother in law to drive me to the station so he could get them some lunch.  It was infuriating.  So I waited for 30 minutes for the train. I needed a break.

     It's been over 16 years of me taking care of people.  First my mom, and that wasn't a chore.  And 9 of taking care of these two.  

     Okay that's the back story on them and the set up.  Next entry.

The quick red fox jumped over the lazy red dog.

     Coffee and I are sitting here.  I like the title.  Been a whole week.  Work this week was crazy, an hour of overtime every day.  Literally would come home, have dinner, think I cooked twice.  By the time I finished my evening smoke I was done.  And that's where I've been.  But the rest of you?

     The silent majority that reads these ramblings for some reason.  Where did you go?  It's alright, most of you will return.  I'm the same way, stop looking daily if a blog stops posting.  So subscribe or comment.  Anyway.
 
     Let's see there's been a few intriguing things.  Firstly the garage sales last week.  Yes I made a live recording.  Just don't feel like jotting it down here.  

     I routed it out nicely again.  I must say that I found where each on was.  However, the weekend was a wash out because of the off and on spotty rain.  So it was more of just a pleasant drive.  And maybe 1 time of finding a little place to pull over and have an enjoyable smoke.

     If you didn't realize I do often look at the previous post, helps me keep slightly cohesive.  Often I look, just as often I do not.  Did today.  I did record my gas mileage.  The air conditioner really whallops my gas consumption.  I go from about 33-34 mpg down to 29 mpg.  I wonder what heat will do.  Luckily I haven't really needed it much.  But all is well and we two are good pals.  And I still don't smoke in it.

     Last week I was approached by someone who wanted to know if my old car, still in the driveway, was for sale.  I cannot tell you how much that bothered me.  I know it's been there for months.  My lazy assed self just hasn't cleaned it out...I have to.  My point was I wasn't crazy that someone wanted my car.  I became a bit paranoid that it was going to be stolen.  Yeah, I know, sad.

     That passed.  Then last weekend while I was away, someone else asked my brother in law.  Strangers.  Nooooo!  Trust me I do not live in a gated community, it has its strifes like many others.  In fact it was my neighborhood, a few years back, that the cops lost a car in.  The suspect had stolen from the local mall and lost the cops in my neighborhood.

     For some reason this sort of made me nervous.  The cops?  No! Pay attention.  The fact that some one, no 2 some one's, have noticed my platless car in my driveway for a few months.  Then had the audacity to offer me money for it.  Yeah I need to get rid of it next weekend.

     I think it is just that I strive to be the background.  I've reasons that I don't to be in any spot light.  They go back a ways.  So for a few nights I was very conscious of any noise outside.  Very comical when you think about it. 
"No not the cars that are 4 years old.  We're here to steal the 14 year old beauty."

     So really that's where I've been.  I just really didn't  have much to say or the energy to tell you.

     This weekend it's off to NYC.  That will be tomorrow night.  I've given you enough to digest.

later.....tbc.









 

coffee on any ordinary Sunday Part Deux

     No, this wasn't supposed to be a 2 part entry.  But after another cup of coffee, and the mapping and plotting  the route.  I've become more energized and coherent about it.

     This should be fun.  Okay it's near 8 here.  I am in need of breakfast, comb through the hair, quick trip to the bank.  Ahh and now the stress of brother in law going out for their Saturday morning breakfast.

     I shall empty the dishwasher before I leave.  My I thing is charging nicely, 99% as of the last coffee refill.  Back to the garage sale thing.

     Friend of mine says go with an idea of what you want to buy in mind.  However, I'm just browsing and giving myself something to do.  Good grief in the time it took to write this little paragraph my brother in law passed 4 times in a gruff manner getting stuff for sister.  Yeah, this is why I make plans.

     I've also come up with a different strategy.  I'm going to the ones farthest away and wending my way homeward.
1) Because its different.
2)This will also make sure I don't get there to early before they set up.

     Oh and I need to get gas this morning.  And see how my gas mileage is doing.  Okay It's 8 ish.  I may make a recording like I did on the original journey and weave a tale.  We shall see.

Later.
this time I mean it.

coffee on any ordinary Saturday

     Good morning.  It's been a week I suppose.  Wanted to write something about last weekend but of course that's lost as well.  Manager is on vacation, though I've been in contact with him for the past 3 days.  Crazy.

     Homelife is what it is currently.  Seem to have attracted flies, I don't like that.  Place needs to be cleaned.  I remind myself that I am only one man.

     My humidor is wonderfully packed with some awesome cigars.  I don't think I'll be buying again until September.  Unless something wonderful goes on sale.

     The agenda for today.  Oh and if I haven't said it, and I clearly can scroll up to see.  Coffee is very good this morning.  First cup just sitting between my wrists while fingers play at the keyboard.  Occasionally I stop to lift it and take a wonderful drink.  Like right there.  Missed it?  Well of course you did.

     Day looks kind of yucky out side.  After this I'm going to plot some garage sales.  Put a few sticks (cigars) into the travel humidor and sojourn out.  Love that word.

     And after a brief pause and look up on Websters.  It is totally the wrong word.  Oh well.  I thought it meant the act of going, I first heard of the word from a video game.  Back in the day.  Just found out it actually means the opposite.  A short stay.  Now that's comical to me.

     Oh you know what, there is something about last weekend I didn't get to.  The owner of the cigar shop actually was pleasant.  We'll see about tomorrow.  You never know.  You know?

     My yard is a mess.  Think I've some bee's nesting in the ground.  But for all appearances, and after some research, I'm going to let them bee.  They are not in the least bit aggressive.  But the weeds are.

     And next weekend I'm going into the city for an overnight at my cousins.  I'll enjoy that.  He's good company.  I am most likely taking the train this time.

     Just took a look at the weather, looks like showers today indeed.  Bummer.  Well I can get some cleaning done in the house.  Bathroom has been a little neglected.

     Okay so, plot garage sales, clean, stuff like that there.  And just in case there wasn't enough reference to cigars, I've yet to smoke in my car.  Though I am kind of reconsidering it.  Especially since my humidor is so darned packed.

     Well nothing really new or important to impart to you.  Maybe later on?  Don't know.  Later.