It had been a rather long day. The work weeks end had at last arrived. Nearly got killed leaving my parking lot at work. My fault to an extent. Car was trying to make a left. No traffic, made my right and all of a sudden there was a vehicle right behind me. Mind you I didn't hear her brake hard.
Think she'd just made the lane was getting to ramming speed. I say she because I got the obligatory yell out the window of asshole. Did the usual raising my hand in apology and made a quick right. Decided on a different route home.
Got home safe enough. Brother in law just woke from his first drunken stupor. Apparently they bumped my sisters chemo to Monday, that would be today. She was to sick to get to the G.P. to have blood work. I was just unamused.
6:30. Spoke to my sister. Brother in law came in with his drunk sleepy voice. What are we doing for dinner. She claimed not to be hungry, I said I'm going to the bathroom. I just didn't feel like dealing. Even I need a night off. Sat in my chair in my room. Enter the brother in law.
I been trying to she what she wants for dinner all day. She doesn't know. I opened my eyes at that point. I was tired. Told him the fridge had food. Meatloaf, pasta. He went in to their bedroom, made the report and came out stomping his feet.
I went to the kitchen, where he was doing his mumbling to his drunk assed self. Said he didn't want to discuss it. I pointed out that I was only there to finish my salmon salad for dinner. I did. He made a grilled cheese and I decided to go out.
It was a comfortable enough night. And it beat sitting around the house. Sister called me in, told her I was going. She said she didn't know what to have for dinner. In the end. I heated her some pasta and the last of the meatloaf. Rocket science huh?
It was to late to just dig up plans. 40's are often not like the 20's. Most everyone had plans. So I grabbed a smoke and determined my options. Got gas. Passed a few bars. As someone who just doesn't drink anymore, there is no reason to hang in bars for me.
Mind you, if I could I would. I always enjoyed the bar scene. Oh the tales I could tell. As could a lot of you I imagine. And if you found the right bar, it could be a very comfortable fit. A couple of pints and it was just allright.
I no longer had the option. More sad was I no longer had the desire.
Music. That was what I wanted. Some nice blues or something. As I drove around that was when I realized just how out of touch with the music scene I'd become. I found none. Promised myself I'd do better next week.
So I drove and had a nice smoke. Got home about 10. Sister was full of interrogating questions. She hates when I go out.
My brother in law too. To and extent. Means he has to be on call for her.
As I said they both live to be home. Only leaving to work, now that's just my brother in law. My sister is imprisoned, of her own making and now by the cancer. I try to keep a good spirit for them.
But sometimes. Just sometimes. I need to get out for myself. I've even given thought to next Friday. I know of a place that has a piano player. See what happens.
-later
Monday, December 23, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
In restless dreams...
Morning. It's 4 A.M. Sunday already. For once I shall say it. The weekend was to short. I'll actually be glad of the break Christmas day. Figured it's early enough. One of those times when I feel rested. If I go back I risk losing it all.
That has always been the maddening part of my sleep cycle. Not being able to just enjoy extra hours. It's so debilitating to wake with a massive headache. Plus I want to shower and hit mass today. It's 4:15 and I'm actually contemplating it. Just leave in the middle of this and come back........
Okay wound up sleeping in until 6:45. And I actually woke up pretty well too. Showered. I am not attending mass. Just really don't want to go and possibly drag home a bug. I did it when my mom got cancer and had chemo too. Compromised immune systems and such. Anyway to the dream.
I had this one the day after the 'what dreams may come' one. Not as detailed or even interesting. I can't even say that is stuck with me as long, but I've mentioned it a few times. So here it is.
Starts in a hospital room. It is at the far end of a dead end hallway. Not in a square form like a hospital. More like an apartment building. I was there and there was a roomate. I was in pretty good spirits. Nurses were very good. That is......until the weekend.
Not sure why but the weekends always bother me in a hospital. Well this wasn't to different. At some point 1 nurse came in. Not sure if I was being discharged or diagnosed. She lay down on her right side facing away from me. Looking out the windows. I'm unsure of the view or if there was anyone else there. She gave me a 2 word sentence. I was gone.
Next scene, this is a typical scattered dream. I was in a crowded lobby. Unsure if it was the hospital or somewhere else. Someone, a guy mentioned the same diagnosis. The words were english, they made no sense. I did not retain them upon waking up, The dream dissapated like most. It was then that I decided to go back and confront the nurse and tell her off. She was still in the same position. And that was that.
Hope it was worth it. Have a Sunday. Really could have chucked Friday night in this entry. But shopping list must be put together.
-later
That has always been the maddening part of my sleep cycle. Not being able to just enjoy extra hours. It's so debilitating to wake with a massive headache. Plus I want to shower and hit mass today. It's 4:15 and I'm actually contemplating it. Just leave in the middle of this and come back........
Okay wound up sleeping in until 6:45. And I actually woke up pretty well too. Showered. I am not attending mass. Just really don't want to go and possibly drag home a bug. I did it when my mom got cancer and had chemo too. Compromised immune systems and such. Anyway to the dream.
I had this one the day after the 'what dreams may come' one. Not as detailed or even interesting. I can't even say that is stuck with me as long, but I've mentioned it a few times. So here it is.
Starts in a hospital room. It is at the far end of a dead end hallway. Not in a square form like a hospital. More like an apartment building. I was there and there was a roomate. I was in pretty good spirits. Nurses were very good. That is......until the weekend.
Not sure why but the weekends always bother me in a hospital. Well this wasn't to different. At some point 1 nurse came in. Not sure if I was being discharged or diagnosed. She lay down on her right side facing away from me. Looking out the windows. I'm unsure of the view or if there was anyone else there. She gave me a 2 word sentence. I was gone.
Next scene, this is a typical scattered dream. I was in a crowded lobby. Unsure if it was the hospital or somewhere else. Someone, a guy mentioned the same diagnosis. The words were english, they made no sense. I did not retain them upon waking up, The dream dissapated like most. It was then that I decided to go back and confront the nurse and tell her off. She was still in the same position. And that was that.
Hope it was worth it. Have a Sunday. Really could have chucked Friday night in this entry. But shopping list must be put together.
-later
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Guess I could put an entry together.
Morning. Towards the bottom of the coffee mug here. Played a few games of Adventure. I still enjoy it. Not as much as when I was 10 I must say. I'm good for a few games in a row, then I shut it off. At 10, I think I could play it for an hour straight.
Been a tiring week. Overtime every day. No. I am most certainly not complaining. Just reporting. Breakfast time. Thinking on 2 scrambled eggs with red bell pepper and a couple of diced asparagus. But let us first finish the entry.
Okay things maybe I should note for myself. Oh great you get to see them. I recalled the second dream from earlier in the week. Not as interesting to me nor detailed. Christmas spirit. Friday night. Okay that covers the title of the posts for this week. Maybe I'll come up with something else en route.
-later
Been a tiring week. Overtime every day. No. I am most certainly not complaining. Just reporting. Breakfast time. Thinking on 2 scrambled eggs with red bell pepper and a couple of diced asparagus. But let us first finish the entry.
Okay things maybe I should note for myself. Oh great you get to see them. I recalled the second dream from earlier in the week. Not as interesting to me nor detailed. Christmas spirit. Friday night. Okay that covers the title of the posts for this week. Maybe I'll come up with something else en route.
-later
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
What dreams may come.
What dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil. Must give us pause.
The line from the great soliloquy from Hamlet. Well the second line is out of place, but it's my blog I reckon.
Have had some dreams the past 2 days. They've stuck with me and thought about recording them here. Nothing more than dreams with chaos.
The one Monday morning. Must've been after 3:30. Started easily enough. I was at the loading dock with the current crew. Went inside to talk to the kid that was there normally. And a courier arrived and I saw no point in remaining. Only this was the dock of another place I worked. It was snowing, my car was covered. It's not the one I'm driving now. At some point it was time to leave. The building was huge and a lot of cars. I made it out. Had a brief drive to see my friend. I'm not sure what he and I spoke of but it was more fluff than anything. Perhaps a remnant of some old thing. I was driving again, over known roads. It was midday, I knew the roads and they were snow covered.
Must point out that this is one of the dreams where I know almost all the places where I am. The places are however not connected this way in reality. It would be like getting out of bed and the next room would be some place else.
I was on a straight road, no snow. The storm had a visible break. The sky had dark clouds but there was a tear of blue sky in it. Then I hit a hill that does not exist on the road and the car did a dukes of hazard jump. Upon landing it was back on snow covered roadway and a plowed into a snowy pile embankment. I made a left onto one road. Gets dicey. I may have damaged property.Not sure why but I had to pay. So I went to the bank.
Now this bank was new place for me. It had 3 teller stations, 2 were occupied. He reminded me of an old high school teacher. Brown hair, 70's mustache. There was 1 man to the right sitting at a desk. A bank officer I presume. He told me I had to do something with 3 eggs. This didn't surprise me. I don't know if I had the eggs or got them from one of the tellers. The woman had a bit of a fit when I reached across for a bowl. I apologized and went to the 3rd position where the was no one and got a bowl.
At the little station opposite, where there used to be deposit tickets in the old days, I stood and cracked the first egg. No problem. The second was a little messy. The third landed on the floor. No it didn't break. It landed more like a hard boiled egg.
It landed at the feet of the manager who asked me what the Hell I was doing. I explained the ritual in what could have been an irritating manner. I told her I spoke to the guy who told me I had to break 3 eggs into the bowl. He was sitting there but he was sitting there now. He had changed seats. He had moved to the right, there was door in the middle of where he was sitting and where he was previously. And now there was a white piece of paper on the wall with his name. And I then asked the manager if I'd made myself clear. She said yes but indicated that I did so in a very irritating manner.
That was when I unfortunately got woken up. In fact my first words were that I wanted to finish this conversation. Which of course I couldn't.
I even went so far as to make a recording of this dream later in the day. It stuck with me. Alas in the writing of this entry, I wish I'd done so with this mornings. It is gone now.
Hopefully this has been an entertaining entry in my dream scape. If not, oh well.
-later
The line from the great soliloquy from Hamlet. Well the second line is out of place, but it's my blog I reckon.
Have had some dreams the past 2 days. They've stuck with me and thought about recording them here. Nothing more than dreams with chaos.
The one Monday morning. Must've been after 3:30. Started easily enough. I was at the loading dock with the current crew. Went inside to talk to the kid that was there normally. And a courier arrived and I saw no point in remaining. Only this was the dock of another place I worked. It was snowing, my car was covered. It's not the one I'm driving now. At some point it was time to leave. The building was huge and a lot of cars. I made it out. Had a brief drive to see my friend. I'm not sure what he and I spoke of but it was more fluff than anything. Perhaps a remnant of some old thing. I was driving again, over known roads. It was midday, I knew the roads and they were snow covered.
Must point out that this is one of the dreams where I know almost all the places where I am. The places are however not connected this way in reality. It would be like getting out of bed and the next room would be some place else.
I was on a straight road, no snow. The storm had a visible break. The sky had dark clouds but there was a tear of blue sky in it. Then I hit a hill that does not exist on the road and the car did a dukes of hazard jump. Upon landing it was back on snow covered roadway and a plowed into a snowy pile embankment. I made a left onto one road. Gets dicey. I may have damaged property.Not sure why but I had to pay. So I went to the bank.
Now this bank was new place for me. It had 3 teller stations, 2 were occupied. He reminded me of an old high school teacher. Brown hair, 70's mustache. There was 1 man to the right sitting at a desk. A bank officer I presume. He told me I had to do something with 3 eggs. This didn't surprise me. I don't know if I had the eggs or got them from one of the tellers. The woman had a bit of a fit when I reached across for a bowl. I apologized and went to the 3rd position where the was no one and got a bowl.
At the little station opposite, where there used to be deposit tickets in the old days, I stood and cracked the first egg. No problem. The second was a little messy. The third landed on the floor. No it didn't break. It landed more like a hard boiled egg.
It landed at the feet of the manager who asked me what the Hell I was doing. I explained the ritual in what could have been an irritating manner. I told her I spoke to the guy who told me I had to break 3 eggs into the bowl. He was sitting there but he was sitting there now. He had changed seats. He had moved to the right, there was door in the middle of where he was sitting and where he was previously. And now there was a white piece of paper on the wall with his name. And I then asked the manager if I'd made myself clear. She said yes but indicated that I did so in a very irritating manner.
That was when I unfortunately got woken up. In fact my first words were that I wanted to finish this conversation. Which of course I couldn't.
I even went so far as to make a recording of this dream later in the day. It stuck with me. Alas in the writing of this entry, I wish I'd done so with this mornings. It is gone now.
Hopefully this has been an entertaining entry in my dream scape. If not, oh well.
-later
Sunday, December 15, 2013
Wednesday
I did say I'd post about it. So what the Hell, it's only 4:16 Sunday morning. Maybe I can go back to bed for a few after this.
I was assigned to pick my sister up from the hospital. She was happy to be coming home. My plan was to get her settled and come back to work. 4 hours off, 4 hours or so on. Oh the best laid plan of mice and men.
It was 10 when I left. Told my manager I'd call to let him know the situation. The last time I picked her up she threw a hissy fit that I planned to go back to work. This time she was far more reasonable.
It was a cold wintry day. Low 30's I believe. Could not get a grand parking spot. It was a good 5 min walk to the hospital. Near a shuttle bus stop that never ran. Got upstairs, surprised my sister. She rang for the nurse who'd just been there.
If you have any experience with being discharged from a hospital you know what happens next. It takes an hour or two. I'd say I was there by 10:30. The papers were signed by 11:40. I was walking back to get the car while they wheeled her downstairs.
She asked if I could drop off a few prescriptions. Also asked about lunch. I told her about the options in the house. Which seemed good to me. She passed.
Got her home, went to get Wendy's Portabello Mushroom Bacon Melt. Why on earth Wendy's, the only fast food chain I ever used to eat, did that is beyond me. On and they changed the role too. Seems every burger has bacon on it now. UGH! To make matters worse, after every order they offer a 4 piece nugget for .99. I mean really? I just ordered 2 sandwiches and a small fry. Do I need to eat more crap.
She loved her burger. I was very unimpressed. It was a mistake on my part to have it, nutritionally I mean. Sodium content was 1,450. I'm on a plan for 2,000 daily. So yeah stupid on my part. Anyway.
Just got her set up on her cpap machine. It's a machine for sleep apnea and such. Now my brother in law had some issue with filling the tank over the weekend. I know my sister had some previous issues with it. So of course you know. It went on, no lights, after 15 seconds, beeped continuously.
I went straight for the number on the machine. I'm not a total idiot. It was 1 in the afternoon. Maybe I could get some action on it today. I did. Woman told me they'd have someone out there, just couldn't give me a time. So my day was shot. Called my manager and explained the situation.
Did some stuff, made meatloaf. Kid came in around 5. Now they take their oxygen shit seriously. 24 hours service. CHS is good stuff. I remember when we lost power during Irene back in '11. Dude showed up at midnight, but he showed with a couple of oxygen tanks.
Machine got replaced and all was well in the world. That's it. No really.
-later
I was assigned to pick my sister up from the hospital. She was happy to be coming home. My plan was to get her settled and come back to work. 4 hours off, 4 hours or so on. Oh the best laid plan of mice and men.
It was 10 when I left. Told my manager I'd call to let him know the situation. The last time I picked her up she threw a hissy fit that I planned to go back to work. This time she was far more reasonable.
It was a cold wintry day. Low 30's I believe. Could not get a grand parking spot. It was a good 5 min walk to the hospital. Near a shuttle bus stop that never ran. Got upstairs, surprised my sister. She rang for the nurse who'd just been there.
If you have any experience with being discharged from a hospital you know what happens next. It takes an hour or two. I'd say I was there by 10:30. The papers were signed by 11:40. I was walking back to get the car while they wheeled her downstairs.
She asked if I could drop off a few prescriptions. Also asked about lunch. I told her about the options in the house. Which seemed good to me. She passed.
Got her home, went to get Wendy's Portabello Mushroom Bacon Melt. Why on earth Wendy's, the only fast food chain I ever used to eat, did that is beyond me. On and they changed the role too. Seems every burger has bacon on it now. UGH! To make matters worse, after every order they offer a 4 piece nugget for .99. I mean really? I just ordered 2 sandwiches and a small fry. Do I need to eat more crap.
She loved her burger. I was very unimpressed. It was a mistake on my part to have it, nutritionally I mean. Sodium content was 1,450. I'm on a plan for 2,000 daily. So yeah stupid on my part. Anyway.
Just got her set up on her cpap machine. It's a machine for sleep apnea and such. Now my brother in law had some issue with filling the tank over the weekend. I know my sister had some previous issues with it. So of course you know. It went on, no lights, after 15 seconds, beeped continuously.
I went straight for the number on the machine. I'm not a total idiot. It was 1 in the afternoon. Maybe I could get some action on it today. I did. Woman told me they'd have someone out there, just couldn't give me a time. So my day was shot. Called my manager and explained the situation.
Did some stuff, made meatloaf. Kid came in around 5. Now they take their oxygen shit seriously. 24 hours service. CHS is good stuff. I remember when we lost power during Irene back in '11. Dude showed up at midnight, but he showed with a couple of oxygen tanks.
Machine got replaced and all was well in the world. That's it. No really.
-later
Saturday, December 14, 2013
treatsie draft
Spent a good deal of time going over my expenses. Was a killer month. Luckily there's no one really to buy Christmas gifts for. Because I am broke until the 31 of December.
Well I will have $100 to live on until then. I can often see why most people panic over money. I admit that my credit card bill was sky high for me. That however is not an ordinary occurrence. Just a lot of bills. There was an additional Dr. bill, well office visit. Haven't gotten to the actual bill yet. Or should I say haven't received it.
House bills? Well I put my deposit in. And an additional $20 for the food shopping. Brother in law says he'll put his house money in once his trust check clears. Mind you he got paid last week. So we're a bit tight there just now. This Friday he owes 2 payments. We are far beyond the point where I can just chuck in extra. As I type I need $400 some odd dollars of the next check just to pay bills for me. Tis life.
I can see why as an adult people feel time flies faster. I think it is summarily tied to pay. You have to wait and plan. So that leads us to the question: What if one has no job? I think that is to simple of a question. It must be deeper than that. Because a lot of people do not have jobs and time flies for them.
I think it has to do with the sheer feeling of being responsible. You then have to think and budget. In a society where we have become very 'Got To Have It Now' we have lost our ways. No one plans anymore. Must have instant gratification instead of delayed gratification.
I've had this conversation often times before. I usually try to boil it down to the difference between want and need: For example
I want an alfa romeo spider.
Versus
I need a car.
The need is never as sexy as the want. That is a key component. Delayed gratification. To few people practice it anymore. And this current crop of new generation don't understand it either. Sad but true.
It is part and parcel to the age we currently live in. I remember the time before all this. Before debit cards; atms; cell phones; internet; color t.v. These are as archaic a concept to this generation as the horse and buggy were to me.
Some how I must pull a Christmas dinner out of myself. I must make merry. And oddly enough, I can and will.
I'm sitting in my cold house. Sweats and flannel with a bathrobe atop. And I'm comfortable. Yes the wolf is restlessly still on the door stoop. I'm hoping maybe he'll eat my brother in laws brother and sister. Just a poor joke.
I priced a play station 3 today. Pretty reasonable I thought. Was under $300. Beats the original price. But that was before I did the bills spread sheet. Now I'm glad I didn't jump on that. Again difference between want and need. I want one badly, I miss my video games. I need to have money to pay bills. One is more detrimental than the other. The need should usually win.
Think I'll post this today also. What the Hell. Hope you are staying warmer than I.
-later.
Well I will have $100 to live on until then. I can often see why most people panic over money. I admit that my credit card bill was sky high for me. That however is not an ordinary occurrence. Just a lot of bills. There was an additional Dr. bill, well office visit. Haven't gotten to the actual bill yet. Or should I say haven't received it.
House bills? Well I put my deposit in. And an additional $20 for the food shopping. Brother in law says he'll put his house money in once his trust check clears. Mind you he got paid last week. So we're a bit tight there just now. This Friday he owes 2 payments. We are far beyond the point where I can just chuck in extra. As I type I need $400 some odd dollars of the next check just to pay bills for me. Tis life.
I can see why as an adult people feel time flies faster. I think it is summarily tied to pay. You have to wait and plan. So that leads us to the question: What if one has no job? I think that is to simple of a question. It must be deeper than that. Because a lot of people do not have jobs and time flies for them.
I think it has to do with the sheer feeling of being responsible. You then have to think and budget. In a society where we have become very 'Got To Have It Now' we have lost our ways. No one plans anymore. Must have instant gratification instead of delayed gratification.
I've had this conversation often times before. I usually try to boil it down to the difference between want and need: For example
I want an alfa romeo spider.
Versus
I need a car.
The need is never as sexy as the want. That is a key component. Delayed gratification. To few people practice it anymore. And this current crop of new generation don't understand it either. Sad but true.
It is part and parcel to the age we currently live in. I remember the time before all this. Before debit cards; atms; cell phones; internet; color t.v. These are as archaic a concept to this generation as the horse and buggy were to me.
Some how I must pull a Christmas dinner out of myself. I must make merry. And oddly enough, I can and will.
I'm sitting in my cold house. Sweats and flannel with a bathrobe atop. And I'm comfortable. Yes the wolf is restlessly still on the door stoop. I'm hoping maybe he'll eat my brother in laws brother and sister. Just a poor joke.
I priced a play station 3 today. Pretty reasonable I thought. Was under $300. Beats the original price. But that was before I did the bills spread sheet. Now I'm glad I didn't jump on that. Again difference between want and need. I want one badly, I miss my video games. I need to have money to pay bills. One is more detrimental than the other. The need should usually win.
Think I'll post this today also. What the Hell. Hope you are staying warmer than I.
-later.
Titular title space.
We may be getting 4 inches of snow. While we've had worse in the past years, it will be bad for here. Still not used to it. It's 7:32 in the morning, I've just recommended that we have a simple pasta dinner tonight. Unsure of how the road travel will be.
Damn I just realized. Never sent a text back to my best friend. Invited me to a holiday get together tomorrow. I'll just text back if the weather lets me get there. Will be hard going with the shoveling.
It's been interesting. Got sister home Wednesday. Actually there's an entry that I can put down here. Okay you'll get two entries this week. Today's and when my sister came home.
The point there is that she seems changed a bit. Not as much more positive, but a little more motivated. I think and hope. Back from the brink such as it is.
So that's where I'm at. If you don't see a post tomorrow, Sunday, I don't have power. Hope things are good in your corners of the world.
-later
Damn I just realized. Never sent a text back to my best friend. Invited me to a holiday get together tomorrow. I'll just text back if the weather lets me get there. Will be hard going with the shoveling.
It's been interesting. Got sister home Wednesday. Actually there's an entry that I can put down here. Okay you'll get two entries this week. Today's and when my sister came home.
The point there is that she seems changed a bit. Not as much more positive, but a little more motivated. I think and hope. Back from the brink such as it is.
So that's where I'm at. If you don't see a post tomorrow, Sunday, I don't have power. Hope things are good in your corners of the world.
-later
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